My family visited a local festival on the weekend. It was a little rainy, and a little more than cold, but we toughed it out for this outdoor event none the less. True, we could have checked the weather network and "called the game", but there are just some things you have to do when you are a parent.
The festival has become a bit of a tradition for my family, and my husband agreed to continue (and participate in) the tradition after we were married. We agreed that, any events that the kids seem to enjoy that do not cost a lot (or in this case anything) to attend, we will take them as long as they are still interested in going.
On Saturday that meant bundling up both our 15 year old and our 8 month old for a couple hours outside in the slightly frigid weather to walk around the local festival. As long as my husband and I had coffee to drink, and the kids were happy, we stuck it out. The 15 year old did well, especially when she got her standard kettle corn, vendor sausage and several cups of hot chocolate. The little guy was tucked close to mommy in a snugglie carrier (for warmth and convenience) and was very happy to watch the people and pets go bye from his warm little vantage point. A nice warm bottle did it for him too.
If we had got up Saturday morning and thrown in the towel I think our day would have been a living hell. Sure, my son would not have known the difference, but my daughter, who looks forward to sharing this event with her grandparents and uncle, would have been beyond disappointed. I think she would have felt robbed of an annual event, in her mind, equivalent to Christmas or Easter. But the parental chores don't stop there.
Sunday evening my daughter decided to make herself a sandwich; one of her famous, can't be passed up, most delicious in the world, personal creations that I am not permitted to know the ingredients for, sandwiches. Yes culinary creations of this caliper are not solely limited to the young aspiring chefs of singular digit ages. She offered me half, of which I gratefully accepted and, with a huge smile on my face and lots of expletive sounds, ate. It was edible, but also very very interesting. My husband grinned.
When my daughter was far from ear shot I explained to him that he too will have to partake of such wonderful foods over the coming years. He looked at me with a questioning eye. It is part of the parental package, I said. One of our chores if you will.
If your child brings you something they have made, that they are proud of -YOU EAT! And you will be happy about it.
If your child wants to go somewhere and it doesn't cost anymore than your time - YOU GO!
If your child wants to do something that will not kill them, cause property damage, or maim any neighbourhood children - YOU GO! I mean... you let them..and you go supervise! :)
I kindly explained this to my husband, who agreed completely. Sometimes you gotta do the thing you don't want to do because your kids want to, and they need to experience life too. They weren't there when you did it yourself the first time.
Oh yeah, one more thing that you have to do as a parent (and I see so many that forget..sigh).
Give them a hug when they want it. It costs nothing. It takes so little time. So if they ask, just do it.
I promise that is one thing that wont leave a bad taste in your mouth - GUARANTEED!
FBM
Monday 23 April 2012
Saturday 21 April 2012
"It is the age of "quick-fix" solutions: instant coffee, instant food, instant messenger, and even instant remedies." - Unknown
There are those who decide to make a change in their lives, and actually make a change. Then there are those who feel change is expected of them, or know they need to change, but choose the quick fix solutions while keeping the rest of their life the same. These people do not really want to change.
I have lived my whole life watching people in such situations. When what they are doing causes no harm then I can see how it may be difficult to justify changing their ways. When their actions are detrimental to themselves the choice to hold on to these habits is questionable. More so, when these actions begin to effect those around them and start to cause serious damage to themselves, their relationships and the lives of those they come in contact with, they need to make a permanent choice to change their lives as a whole to prevent these actions from ever reoccurring.
The action with the most impact that I have seen is addiction. Addicts are quick fix people. They want that "drug", whatever it may be, as quickly as possible and at whatever cost. Addicts come in all shapes and sizes as do their drugs. These people need help, but they must also accept the help otherwise they will not make the necessary changes to deter the detrimental actions from continuing. Today's society lives and breathes "quick fix", which sometimes makes it difficult to determine who is actually addicted to something and who is simply there for the fad and will move on.
Over a year ago a women at my work place announced she was taking a leave of absence. She had scheduled to have gastric bypass surgery and would be off work for several months as she recovered. During her recovery time I saw her at the gym several times a week. She changed her diet, her habits, her clothes (of course) and even her hair. She had made a choice to start over. Before the surgery she was morbidly obese. After several months of recovery she was one of the smaller women at work. Was this a quick fix solution for her? Since she is not a personal friend I can not say. It seemed that she was using the surgery as a catalyst to change her life as a whole, but could another avenue served the same purpose?
More recently another women at work had the same procedure done. A member of my family also had it done. It seems more and more common that doctors are prescribing this type of surgery. Why is nothing being done before hand to help their patients avoid this apparent "only option left"? Why are these always women? Is this not a viable solution for men as well? Has the convenience oriented stagnant nature of our society actually brought us to the point where people will allow their own health to get to the point where only medical intervention can save them from themselves?
The person in my family, another women by the way, I have obviously known all my life. She has several siblings that, while not super fit, are not obese. She is, or was, morbidly obese and has been so most of her life. While I support her decision to take this step, I am not so sure that this is a permanent life change for her YET. I recall hearing a number of times "Why am I not losing weight?" and when questioned about eating habits was told "I only had a chocolate bar for lunch". The undeniable fact is that the human body only gains weight when the caloric intake is greater than the expended energy in a day. Questions such as hers were simply signs of denial. Smaller portions of crappy food don't solve the problem. One item can have hundreds of more calories then a full healthy meal, and your body will still be looking for food to satisfy the nutrient intake it requires. The choice must be made to change your eating habits, whether before major surgery or not. I suppose only time will tell if she is actually committed to this change. I hope she is.
Unfortunately, all too often, those in denial and those who simply think they are too far gone, are enabled by the people around them. YES those with the problem need to make a choice. Once they have made that choice the people around them need to support that, whether it means congratulating them on making a good choice or being upfront and blunt when they are not. Turning a blind eye as someone slowly falls back into old habits does not help them. My uncle is beyond morbidly obese. I'm not even sure he can leave his house anymore. His home is falling apart because he can not clean it. He lost his job because he used up all his sick days. He will die. Yet, his step children continue to bring him food. My Aunt called the paramedics to take him to the hospital for medical treatment. He refused to go; that night she left him. She, however, continues to pay the bills on a house she no longer is living in. This is an extreme situation, but it is reality. He is now beyond the help of surgery and beyond the help of friends and family. Unless he makes a choice he will die, most likely alone.
This post may seem harsh. It may seem that I have no sympathy. I have lived my life watching family fall apart and people become estranged because of this type of addiction. That is what it is. An addiction to food. A choice that food is the most important thing to you; more than money, more than family, more than your own health and well being. I hope that anyone that reads this understands that I want the most healthy loved filled life for everyone - family and friends. Anyone who is suffering with a weight problem or food addiction, please get help. Make the choice and make the changes necessary to uphold that choice. I for one will stand by you, good comments or bad. There are people who love you and want you around a long time. You can say you love them by choosing to love yourself.
Choose.
FBM
I have lived my whole life watching people in such situations. When what they are doing causes no harm then I can see how it may be difficult to justify changing their ways. When their actions are detrimental to themselves the choice to hold on to these habits is questionable. More so, when these actions begin to effect those around them and start to cause serious damage to themselves, their relationships and the lives of those they come in contact with, they need to make a permanent choice to change their lives as a whole to prevent these actions from ever reoccurring.
The action with the most impact that I have seen is addiction. Addicts are quick fix people. They want that "drug", whatever it may be, as quickly as possible and at whatever cost. Addicts come in all shapes and sizes as do their drugs. These people need help, but they must also accept the help otherwise they will not make the necessary changes to deter the detrimental actions from continuing. Today's society lives and breathes "quick fix", which sometimes makes it difficult to determine who is actually addicted to something and who is simply there for the fad and will move on.
Over a year ago a women at my work place announced she was taking a leave of absence. She had scheduled to have gastric bypass surgery and would be off work for several months as she recovered. During her recovery time I saw her at the gym several times a week. She changed her diet, her habits, her clothes (of course) and even her hair. She had made a choice to start over. Before the surgery she was morbidly obese. After several months of recovery she was one of the smaller women at work. Was this a quick fix solution for her? Since she is not a personal friend I can not say. It seemed that she was using the surgery as a catalyst to change her life as a whole, but could another avenue served the same purpose?
More recently another women at work had the same procedure done. A member of my family also had it done. It seems more and more common that doctors are prescribing this type of surgery. Why is nothing being done before hand to help their patients avoid this apparent "only option left"? Why are these always women? Is this not a viable solution for men as well? Has the convenience oriented stagnant nature of our society actually brought us to the point where people will allow their own health to get to the point where only medical intervention can save them from themselves?
The person in my family, another women by the way, I have obviously known all my life. She has several siblings that, while not super fit, are not obese. She is, or was, morbidly obese and has been so most of her life. While I support her decision to take this step, I am not so sure that this is a permanent life change for her YET. I recall hearing a number of times "Why am I not losing weight?" and when questioned about eating habits was told "I only had a chocolate bar for lunch". The undeniable fact is that the human body only gains weight when the caloric intake is greater than the expended energy in a day. Questions such as hers were simply signs of denial. Smaller portions of crappy food don't solve the problem. One item can have hundreds of more calories then a full healthy meal, and your body will still be looking for food to satisfy the nutrient intake it requires. The choice must be made to change your eating habits, whether before major surgery or not. I suppose only time will tell if she is actually committed to this change. I hope she is.
Unfortunately, all too often, those in denial and those who simply think they are too far gone, are enabled by the people around them. YES those with the problem need to make a choice. Once they have made that choice the people around them need to support that, whether it means congratulating them on making a good choice or being upfront and blunt when they are not. Turning a blind eye as someone slowly falls back into old habits does not help them. My uncle is beyond morbidly obese. I'm not even sure he can leave his house anymore. His home is falling apart because he can not clean it. He lost his job because he used up all his sick days. He will die. Yet, his step children continue to bring him food. My Aunt called the paramedics to take him to the hospital for medical treatment. He refused to go; that night she left him. She, however, continues to pay the bills on a house she no longer is living in. This is an extreme situation, but it is reality. He is now beyond the help of surgery and beyond the help of friends and family. Unless he makes a choice he will die, most likely alone.
This post may seem harsh. It may seem that I have no sympathy. I have lived my life watching family fall apart and people become estranged because of this type of addiction. That is what it is. An addiction to food. A choice that food is the most important thing to you; more than money, more than family, more than your own health and well being. I hope that anyone that reads this understands that I want the most healthy loved filled life for everyone - family and friends. Anyone who is suffering with a weight problem or food addiction, please get help. Make the choice and make the changes necessary to uphold that choice. I for one will stand by you, good comments or bad. There are people who love you and want you around a long time. You can say you love them by choosing to love yourself.
Choose.
FBM
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