In April of 2002 I graduated from university with a BA in English.  I know, you were wondering why the reading list on the left was so heavily weighted in the Victorian Genre.  It's true, not everyone will read that much Dicken's voluntarily but I do happen to enjoy his novels.  Truth be told that reading list would be much longer if I didn't end up reading books like Jane Eyre four or five times. (tangent over)

By May I had taken what I believed to be a temporary job as a secretary and was saving for RD and I to get a place of our own.  Within the year, however, there were several other semi-adults living under the same roof and we had to move out.  It was difficult with RD starting school, paying the bills and working long hours to make up for all the lost time.  I did the best I could in the most economical ways possible. 

After a year in an apartment the logical side of me was getting tired of paying someone elses mortgage.  I crunched the numbers and determined that if I bought a house where I worked I could just scrape by.  (Also, if anything happened to my car and I couldn't afford to get it fixed I could still walk to work.)  Soon I was the non-sterotypical single mom; own car, own home and a full time job.  There is no way I could have done any of it had I not learned how to scrimp and save from my mom.  She raised a large family on my father's meager income (I am told less than $40 grand a year at it's height).

I kept a very strict budget and watched it constantly.  In some ways my obsessive tendencies paid off in this area.  Any utility that had an equal payment plan I got on it and watched to ensure we kept the running total in check.  I took advantage of government incentive programs and made our tiny bungalow house as efficient as possible, knowing that anything paid out for improvements would be won back ten fold in savings.  I had purchased a small chest freezer and took advantage of bulk sized food purchases.  Like my mother, I simply separated items into meal sized quantities and froze them to avoid spoiling and waste.  I stayed at work and ate leftovers for lunches.  Attempted some inventive reciepes and anything RD didn't like became my meals for the week.  Clothing was purchased mostly at a local Good Will, with a few new items purchased at Christmas only.  I conserved energy by simple things like opening curtains on a sunny winter day allowing the house to warm up while at work.  I actually was able to warm the house two degrees higher then the thermostat preventing the furnace from kicking in until after dinner time that night.  Of course the reverse was used in the summer, which was a God send considering we did not have an airconditioner.  I also had a programmable thermostat installed so that I could ensure the furnace was not running needlessly with no one in the house. 

Our yard was not off limits to my conservative agenda.  Luckily the previous owners of our home had planted perennial gardens around the yard so there was no need to purchase flowers annually.  I installed a rain barrel which we used to water the gardens as needed in the summer.  We also used this water to wash the car.  In the winter it was the good old hand shovel to clear the drive way.  I was blessed, however, to have some very kind naighbours who would snow blow the driveway if I started to loose the battle.  Many days I thanked God when I arrived home to a plowed driveway.  RD and I got in the habit of making cookies and home made chocolates every Christmas and taking little packages to our naighbours as tokens of gratitude for such favours.

Vacations, when possible, consisted of camping only.  Provincial campground, no electrical sites were the cheapest.  Once the basic tent and sleeping gear was purchased there were no further expenses than if we were at home.  Any local festivals, free movie nights, double up coupons for local restaurants, and near by trails and beaches encompassed our activity schedule year round.  I think these things made our free time together more enjoyable and memorable.  I was never concerned about what it was costing us but more so if she was having fun.  Even now RD still asks to go camping and likes to bring her friends along to experience it as well. 

Clearly RD endured a lot and went without a lot, but she was still young enough to only fuss a little.  The temporary job turned into a five year employment.  I was asked to take on the accounting side of the business, something I think I have an aptitude for, even if my education does not support it.  At the end of the five years it was a difference of ethical opinion that made me leave the company.  After a couple of hits and misses on the job front I was fortunate enough to obtain a wonderful job again in the accounting field.  Turned out to be a significant chain of events in my life as within a year of joining the company I became friends with, dated and got engaged to a fellow employee.  Just goes to show, in the words of Marylin, "Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." 

RD is much better off now and perhaps my husband and I spoil her a bit given what she went without for so long.  Even so, we are still super conservative about certain things.  We have plans for future trips with the family as a whole, but also for RD as she completes school.  We keep such goals in mind whenever we joke about needlessly renovating the house or buying a new car.  I only hope that RD will remember the more frugal times a little when she finally is out on her own.  Perhaps that will help her keep her future goals, rather than immediate gratification, a financial priority and focus more on the experiences than expenses.

FBM

My first true love - RD

Okay, tomorrow came a little earlier than expected.  I did mention I had a 6 month old so I am sure all you moms know why I've decided to write right now.

Where was I? Ah yes, my other not so little one.  RD, my daughter.  I thought it only fitting that on Valentine's Day I post about my first true love.  May seem strange to some for me to call my daughter my first love but she most truly was.  In many cases people do not really understand what love is until they hold their own child for the first time.  It would be wonderful if I could say that was how it happened for me, but unfortunately her birth did not go as expected and I did not get to experience that life changing moment of holding your new baby seconds after birth.  As can often happen, I was whisked off to surgery, but all is well in the end so no need to dwell on that point.  In retrospect, I think I actually first loved her the very first time I felt her move in my belly.  The first distinctive butterfly movement and I was hooked.

I knew I was having a baby girl from the start.  Many women claim such a thing and it is hard to explain why, but I knew it from the first time someone asked me.  I did love RD right away and always have, regardless of the many times I wished I had not been pregnant as a teen.  When questioned my answer has always been the same; I always regret getting pregnant, but I never once regretted having her. 

It was hard.  Not as hard as it is for some as I had the support of my family, but it most certainly was never easy.  I committed myself to finishing school and completing my degree, which meant holding down a job as well in order to pay for things.  RD was born in September and I returned to school two weeks after and work just one week after that.  Now that was a hard year!  By RD's first birthday I had been back in the hospital due to complications, lost my Grandpa to cancer, dealt with a terrible personal relationship, completed my OACs and moved away to university.  This does not, of course, include all the wonderful nuances of the high school life coloured with the brush of social interpretation of my situation.  The hi-light of the year was that, given RD stayed at home with my parents when I went to school, I missed my baby girl's first birthday.

Over the next five years I missed a lot.  My parents did their best to make me feel like I was around for the important things.  They even brought RD to see me at school often and she just happen to have her first steps in my dorm room, something I pretended to believe partly for them but mostly for my own sanity.  No matter how you look at it though, RD was growing up with or without me.  I would love to say I remember a lot about her as a child but really what I recall is mostly bits and pieces strung together by pictures and stories told by my parents.  When I finally graduated I like to think that I did my best to change that.

I am going to stop there for now, as I think the littler one has decided to sleep so I should do the same.  Chances are I will continue these thoughts a little later today, as time allows.

Until then,
FBM