I will do my best to keep this entry to one post, but I have a feeling that wont be possible; I apologize in advance.
Like Marilyn, we all have our ups and downs. As the story goes, she had a lot more downs. Myself, I had some not so nice experiences in my earlier years, but can also say for certain that I hit my lowest then and survived. Anyone who knows me and is about to read this post may find it rather shocking; maybe not. It is what it is, however, and I agree with the title post completely.
During my first pregnancy I dealt with a lot of terrible people. Some I have mentioned in earlier posts. The worst one I may never mention at all. Needless to say, I was not in the happiest of places when I had RD, which is not a great start to a situation where the brightest and happiest women are afflicted with postpartum depression. As I mentioned previously, I had RD in September and took a mere two weeks off school and three weeks off work. My Grandfather, who was ill at the time, was actually well enough to drive us home from the hospital. By December, however, his health had rapidly declined. My mother quietly informed us that he was suffering from cancer of the mouth.
I had been taking only two classes that semester and was home for lunch that day. My mother informed me that a lawyer was coming by to visit my Grandfather so that he could rewrite his will. Shortly before I was to leave for my afternoon class my Grandfather collapsed. I would never wish what happened next on anyone. My mother was calling for help from the next room so I placed my 3 month old daughter on the floor out of harms way. When I entered the room my Grandfather was falling to the floor and my mother was hysterical. She kept asking me what to do and calling out to her father. I told her to call 911 and attempted to revive him as best I could. I was told later that I apparently got his heart going again, but it just wasn't enough. He passed away that day, not from the cancer, but from a heart attack. I blamed myself for a long time.
That year as a whole is kind of a blur, so I can not recall if it was before or after this happened that I ended up in the hospital myself. When I had given birth I had a type of hemorrhage called a retained placenta. Essentially the placenta crumbles in the uterus and causes you to bleed continually. I had surgery immediately after the birth for them to remove the remains and stop the bleeding. My mother says I almost died. In December I complained to my doctor that I was having a lot of issues with bleeding. It was discovered that they had missed some tiny piece of the placenta and I had been bleeding for the past 3 months. It's no wonder that I am now anemic.
When I moved away to school the following September I missed my daughter's first birthday. The girls I shared a residence with were using their freshman year as a freebie and partied constantly. My marks began to suffer greatly with me barely passing the majority of my courses. I began flipping between working my butt off and simply not caring. The next school year I had more focused room mates and changed my major to a subject I was inadvertently excelling at in comparison to my other classes. However, sometime that year, I started to suffer from insomnia and a lack of appetite. My one roommate saw the change and encouraged me to go see the school doctor so I could at least find a way to sleep.
The doctor posed a few follow up questions and I was soon diagnosed with depression. Not really postpartum depression, but a lot of the symptoms of that presume you are at home with your child so it is hard to say for sure. In addition, this was far outside the normal time frame for such a diagnosis. None the less, I was suffering from insomnia, lacking a will to attend class, (though I did my best at my room mates prodding), had very little appetite, and took no joy in the little girl who was growing up so quickly. These, among other symptoms, convinced the doctor to send me to the school psychiatrist. They also prescribed me paxil, an antidepressant.
Looks like I will have to continue this later.
FBM
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