My family visited a local festival on the weekend. It was a little rainy, and a little more than cold, but we toughed it out for this outdoor event none the less. True, we could have checked the weather network and "called the game", but there are just some things you have to do when you are a parent.
The festival has become a bit of a tradition for my family, and my husband agreed to continue (and participate in) the tradition after we were married. We agreed that, any events that the kids seem to enjoy that do not cost a lot (or in this case anything) to attend, we will take them as long as they are still interested in going.
On Saturday that meant bundling up both our 15 year old and our 8 month old for a couple hours outside in the slightly frigid weather to walk around the local festival. As long as my husband and I had coffee to drink, and the kids were happy, we stuck it out. The 15 year old did well, especially when she got her standard kettle corn, vendor sausage and several cups of hot chocolate. The little guy was tucked close to mommy in a snugglie carrier (for warmth and convenience) and was very happy to watch the people and pets go bye from his warm little vantage point. A nice warm bottle did it for him too.
If we had got up Saturday morning and thrown in the towel I think our day would have been a living hell. Sure, my son would not have known the difference, but my daughter, who looks forward to sharing this event with her grandparents and uncle, would have been beyond disappointed. I think she would have felt robbed of an annual event, in her mind, equivalent to Christmas or Easter. But the parental chores don't stop there.
Sunday evening my daughter decided to make herself a sandwich; one of her famous, can't be passed up, most delicious in the world, personal creations that I am not permitted to know the ingredients for, sandwiches. Yes culinary creations of this caliper are not solely limited to the young aspiring chefs of singular digit ages. She offered me half, of which I gratefully accepted and, with a huge smile on my face and lots of expletive sounds, ate. It was edible, but also very very interesting. My husband grinned.
When my daughter was far from ear shot I explained to him that he too will have to partake of such wonderful foods over the coming years. He looked at me with a questioning eye. It is part of the parental package, I said. One of our chores if you will.
If your child brings you something they have made, that they are proud of -YOU EAT! And you will be happy about it.
If your child wants to go somewhere and it doesn't cost anymore than your time - YOU GO!
If your child wants to do something that will not kill them, cause property damage, or maim any neighbourhood children - YOU GO! I mean... you let them..and you go supervise! :)
I kindly explained this to my husband, who agreed completely. Sometimes you gotta do the thing you don't want to do because your kids want to, and they need to experience life too. They weren't there when you did it yourself the first time.
Oh yeah, one more thing that you have to do as a parent (and I see so many that forget..sigh).
Give them a hug when they want it. It costs nothing. It takes so little time. So if they ask, just do it.
I promise that is one thing that wont leave a bad taste in your mouth - GUARANTEED!
FBM
Monday 23 April 2012
Saturday 21 April 2012
"It is the age of "quick-fix" solutions: instant coffee, instant food, instant messenger, and even instant remedies." - Unknown
There are those who decide to make a change in their lives, and actually make a change. Then there are those who feel change is expected of them, or know they need to change, but choose the quick fix solutions while keeping the rest of their life the same. These people do not really want to change.
I have lived my whole life watching people in such situations. When what they are doing causes no harm then I can see how it may be difficult to justify changing their ways. When their actions are detrimental to themselves the choice to hold on to these habits is questionable. More so, when these actions begin to effect those around them and start to cause serious damage to themselves, their relationships and the lives of those they come in contact with, they need to make a permanent choice to change their lives as a whole to prevent these actions from ever reoccurring.
The action with the most impact that I have seen is addiction. Addicts are quick fix people. They want that "drug", whatever it may be, as quickly as possible and at whatever cost. Addicts come in all shapes and sizes as do their drugs. These people need help, but they must also accept the help otherwise they will not make the necessary changes to deter the detrimental actions from continuing. Today's society lives and breathes "quick fix", which sometimes makes it difficult to determine who is actually addicted to something and who is simply there for the fad and will move on.
Over a year ago a women at my work place announced she was taking a leave of absence. She had scheduled to have gastric bypass surgery and would be off work for several months as she recovered. During her recovery time I saw her at the gym several times a week. She changed her diet, her habits, her clothes (of course) and even her hair. She had made a choice to start over. Before the surgery she was morbidly obese. After several months of recovery she was one of the smaller women at work. Was this a quick fix solution for her? Since she is not a personal friend I can not say. It seemed that she was using the surgery as a catalyst to change her life as a whole, but could another avenue served the same purpose?
More recently another women at work had the same procedure done. A member of my family also had it done. It seems more and more common that doctors are prescribing this type of surgery. Why is nothing being done before hand to help their patients avoid this apparent "only option left"? Why are these always women? Is this not a viable solution for men as well? Has the convenience oriented stagnant nature of our society actually brought us to the point where people will allow their own health to get to the point where only medical intervention can save them from themselves?
The person in my family, another women by the way, I have obviously known all my life. She has several siblings that, while not super fit, are not obese. She is, or was, morbidly obese and has been so most of her life. While I support her decision to take this step, I am not so sure that this is a permanent life change for her YET. I recall hearing a number of times "Why am I not losing weight?" and when questioned about eating habits was told "I only had a chocolate bar for lunch". The undeniable fact is that the human body only gains weight when the caloric intake is greater than the expended energy in a day. Questions such as hers were simply signs of denial. Smaller portions of crappy food don't solve the problem. One item can have hundreds of more calories then a full healthy meal, and your body will still be looking for food to satisfy the nutrient intake it requires. The choice must be made to change your eating habits, whether before major surgery or not. I suppose only time will tell if she is actually committed to this change. I hope she is.
Unfortunately, all too often, those in denial and those who simply think they are too far gone, are enabled by the people around them. YES those with the problem need to make a choice. Once they have made that choice the people around them need to support that, whether it means congratulating them on making a good choice or being upfront and blunt when they are not. Turning a blind eye as someone slowly falls back into old habits does not help them. My uncle is beyond morbidly obese. I'm not even sure he can leave his house anymore. His home is falling apart because he can not clean it. He lost his job because he used up all his sick days. He will die. Yet, his step children continue to bring him food. My Aunt called the paramedics to take him to the hospital for medical treatment. He refused to go; that night she left him. She, however, continues to pay the bills on a house she no longer is living in. This is an extreme situation, but it is reality. He is now beyond the help of surgery and beyond the help of friends and family. Unless he makes a choice he will die, most likely alone.
This post may seem harsh. It may seem that I have no sympathy. I have lived my life watching family fall apart and people become estranged because of this type of addiction. That is what it is. An addiction to food. A choice that food is the most important thing to you; more than money, more than family, more than your own health and well being. I hope that anyone that reads this understands that I want the most healthy loved filled life for everyone - family and friends. Anyone who is suffering with a weight problem or food addiction, please get help. Make the choice and make the changes necessary to uphold that choice. I for one will stand by you, good comments or bad. There are people who love you and want you around a long time. You can say you love them by choosing to love yourself.
Choose.
FBM
I have lived my whole life watching people in such situations. When what they are doing causes no harm then I can see how it may be difficult to justify changing their ways. When their actions are detrimental to themselves the choice to hold on to these habits is questionable. More so, when these actions begin to effect those around them and start to cause serious damage to themselves, their relationships and the lives of those they come in contact with, they need to make a permanent choice to change their lives as a whole to prevent these actions from ever reoccurring.
The action with the most impact that I have seen is addiction. Addicts are quick fix people. They want that "drug", whatever it may be, as quickly as possible and at whatever cost. Addicts come in all shapes and sizes as do their drugs. These people need help, but they must also accept the help otherwise they will not make the necessary changes to deter the detrimental actions from continuing. Today's society lives and breathes "quick fix", which sometimes makes it difficult to determine who is actually addicted to something and who is simply there for the fad and will move on.
Over a year ago a women at my work place announced she was taking a leave of absence. She had scheduled to have gastric bypass surgery and would be off work for several months as she recovered. During her recovery time I saw her at the gym several times a week. She changed her diet, her habits, her clothes (of course) and even her hair. She had made a choice to start over. Before the surgery she was morbidly obese. After several months of recovery she was one of the smaller women at work. Was this a quick fix solution for her? Since she is not a personal friend I can not say. It seemed that she was using the surgery as a catalyst to change her life as a whole, but could another avenue served the same purpose?
More recently another women at work had the same procedure done. A member of my family also had it done. It seems more and more common that doctors are prescribing this type of surgery. Why is nothing being done before hand to help their patients avoid this apparent "only option left"? Why are these always women? Is this not a viable solution for men as well? Has the convenience oriented stagnant nature of our society actually brought us to the point where people will allow their own health to get to the point where only medical intervention can save them from themselves?
The person in my family, another women by the way, I have obviously known all my life. She has several siblings that, while not super fit, are not obese. She is, or was, morbidly obese and has been so most of her life. While I support her decision to take this step, I am not so sure that this is a permanent life change for her YET. I recall hearing a number of times "Why am I not losing weight?" and when questioned about eating habits was told "I only had a chocolate bar for lunch". The undeniable fact is that the human body only gains weight when the caloric intake is greater than the expended energy in a day. Questions such as hers were simply signs of denial. Smaller portions of crappy food don't solve the problem. One item can have hundreds of more calories then a full healthy meal, and your body will still be looking for food to satisfy the nutrient intake it requires. The choice must be made to change your eating habits, whether before major surgery or not. I suppose only time will tell if she is actually committed to this change. I hope she is.
Unfortunately, all too often, those in denial and those who simply think they are too far gone, are enabled by the people around them. YES those with the problem need to make a choice. Once they have made that choice the people around them need to support that, whether it means congratulating them on making a good choice or being upfront and blunt when they are not. Turning a blind eye as someone slowly falls back into old habits does not help them. My uncle is beyond morbidly obese. I'm not even sure he can leave his house anymore. His home is falling apart because he can not clean it. He lost his job because he used up all his sick days. He will die. Yet, his step children continue to bring him food. My Aunt called the paramedics to take him to the hospital for medical treatment. He refused to go; that night she left him. She, however, continues to pay the bills on a house she no longer is living in. This is an extreme situation, but it is reality. He is now beyond the help of surgery and beyond the help of friends and family. Unless he makes a choice he will die, most likely alone.
This post may seem harsh. It may seem that I have no sympathy. I have lived my life watching family fall apart and people become estranged because of this type of addiction. That is what it is. An addiction to food. A choice that food is the most important thing to you; more than money, more than family, more than your own health and well being. I hope that anyone that reads this understands that I want the most healthy loved filled life for everyone - family and friends. Anyone who is suffering with a weight problem or food addiction, please get help. Make the choice and make the changes necessary to uphold that choice. I for one will stand by you, good comments or bad. There are people who love you and want you around a long time. You can say you love them by choosing to love yourself.
Choose.
FBM
Sunday 15 April 2012
Just some little thoughts
I know I haven't posted in a while. I haven't really had the time lately in all honesty. When I have had the time, I haven't really been inspired. A few sad things have been happening around me as of late, which has been draining my inspiration to write; at least about anything that isn't related to these kinda unhappy events. At least on the home front everyone is well and happy, and that is a good thing (not to sound to Martha).
I have been reading a little Capote lately. Breakfast at Tiffany's, which I did not realize was a short novel, was quiet interesting and very different from the movie. They totally cleaned it up and gave it the old hollywood happily ever after. I wonder if that was due to Audrey or not. The novel also has a couple short stories included that are rather interesting and make me realize that not all writing needs a happily ever after or a blatant plot that slaps you in the face.
I also read some Earnest Hemmingway. He, too, has a very unique style that I find a little...dry? Not really, but I can't really put my finger on it. I read the Snows of Kilamanjaro and some other short works. Nothing jumped out at me as a new favorite. Maybe I will have to try something else.
It kind of sucks that everytime I go to the library the books on my list are not there. I have been picking up other stories (those above included) by the same authors I am seeking. I guess in a round about way I am getting more reading in this way.
Well, as I said, I am not very inspired lately. This post is simply to let you know I am still here. I will post something a little more substantial later.
FBM
I have been reading a little Capote lately. Breakfast at Tiffany's, which I did not realize was a short novel, was quiet interesting and very different from the movie. They totally cleaned it up and gave it the old hollywood happily ever after. I wonder if that was due to Audrey or not. The novel also has a couple short stories included that are rather interesting and make me realize that not all writing needs a happily ever after or a blatant plot that slaps you in the face.
I also read some Earnest Hemmingway. He, too, has a very unique style that I find a little...dry? Not really, but I can't really put my finger on it. I read the Snows of Kilamanjaro and some other short works. Nothing jumped out at me as a new favorite. Maybe I will have to try something else.
It kind of sucks that everytime I go to the library the books on my list are not there. I have been picking up other stories (those above included) by the same authors I am seeking. I guess in a round about way I am getting more reading in this way.
Well, as I said, I am not very inspired lately. This post is simply to let you know I am still here. I will post something a little more substantial later.
FBM
Tuesday 27 March 2012
A Little Organization Won't Hurt Anyone...Right?
Whether I am truly an obsessive compulsive person or not, my love for organization is a fact! Periodically I will ask my husband if he minds if I take on a little project, though I think there is no need since he seems to actually appreciates it. I have spent hours reading through organizational books quite happily; making notes on which projects could be applied to our home or how I can modify them for our use. My daughter laughed at me one day saying "Mom, you are organizing your plans to organize!". It was true.
Here are a couple of ideas that I found actually useful, and I hope someone else will too:
- Use an accordion file to store your kids art work and at the end of the year choose the ones you want to keep long term and place away in their "keep sake" file.
- Keep automotive supplies in a laundry basket in your trunk (wind shield washer fluid, jumper cables etc.) so they are not strewn all over.
- Place a small basket on the back of the toilet for extra rolls, and the larger package under the sink for refilling.
- Get smaller baskets from the dollar store for under the sink in the bathroom, the medicine cabinet, the linen cupboard etc. to organize all the little things that tend to get lost or jumbled.
- Put a full set of bed sheets folded inside one of the pillow cases. Keeps them all together and make is easier to grab the set (especially for kids).
- Collect all your cards and place them in one box with a pen and address stamp. I also keep a list of family and friend addresses in the back of the box. Easy to do a quick thank-you note, Christmas cards, invites etc.
- Keep old coffee tins (with lids) or glass pasta jars for craft supplies. Clear glass or plastic is best so there is no rummaging for what you want.
- Try to keep boxes in the storage room to the same size; easier to stack and move around as needed. Also label with masking tape "Mom's Clothes", "Winter Hats & Mitts", on all sides so there it is easy to identify contents.
- Use ice cube trays to keep earrings and other jewellery organized in a drawer but also separated so it is easier to find pairs.
- Use little baskets in your underwear drawer to separate socks, underwear, bras etc (especially if you don't like to fold them).
- Keep all gift bags, tissue paper, and boxes folded down and stored in one of the larger gift bags.
- Small glass jars can also be used for all the lose screws, wall plugs, and other hardware that is rolling around the bottom of the tool box.
- Recycle last years Christmas cards into beautiful gift tags for next year (you know you didn't want to throw them away anyway).
- Use tissue boxes for clothes pins, plastic bags, remove a side and use for lose gravy or spice packets.
- Put all electronic charges and cables in one place. Wrap a bit of masking tape around the end and label what it belongs to.
I really like the whole "Everything has a place" concept, as well as "Birds of a Feather SHOULD flock together" - put like things together! I'll see if I can think of some more, but right now the little man is waking up.
FBM
Here are a couple of ideas that I found actually useful, and I hope someone else will too:
- Use an accordion file to store your kids art work and at the end of the year choose the ones you want to keep long term and place away in their "keep sake" file.
- Keep automotive supplies in a laundry basket in your trunk (wind shield washer fluid, jumper cables etc.) so they are not strewn all over.
- Place a small basket on the back of the toilet for extra rolls, and the larger package under the sink for refilling.
- Get smaller baskets from the dollar store for under the sink in the bathroom, the medicine cabinet, the linen cupboard etc. to organize all the little things that tend to get lost or jumbled.
- Put a full set of bed sheets folded inside one of the pillow cases. Keeps them all together and make is easier to grab the set (especially for kids).
- Collect all your cards and place them in one box with a pen and address stamp. I also keep a list of family and friend addresses in the back of the box. Easy to do a quick thank-you note, Christmas cards, invites etc.
- Keep old coffee tins (with lids) or glass pasta jars for craft supplies. Clear glass or plastic is best so there is no rummaging for what you want.
- Try to keep boxes in the storage room to the same size; easier to stack and move around as needed. Also label with masking tape "Mom's Clothes", "Winter Hats & Mitts", on all sides so there it is easy to identify contents.
- Use ice cube trays to keep earrings and other jewellery organized in a drawer but also separated so it is easier to find pairs.
- Use little baskets in your underwear drawer to separate socks, underwear, bras etc (especially if you don't like to fold them).
- Keep all gift bags, tissue paper, and boxes folded down and stored in one of the larger gift bags.
- Small glass jars can also be used for all the lose screws, wall plugs, and other hardware that is rolling around the bottom of the tool box.
- Recycle last years Christmas cards into beautiful gift tags for next year (you know you didn't want to throw them away anyway).
- Use tissue boxes for clothes pins, plastic bags, remove a side and use for lose gravy or spice packets.
- Put all electronic charges and cables in one place. Wrap a bit of masking tape around the end and label what it belongs to.
I really like the whole "Everything has a place" concept, as well as "Birds of a Feather SHOULD flock together" - put like things together! I'll see if I can think of some more, but right now the little man is waking up.
FBM
Monday 26 March 2012
OCD or Just Organized
Over the course of the past eight months (also known as my maternity leave) I have been working on organizing our home. Progressively I tore apart, repacked, labelled and restored everything in the storage room, downstairs "kitchen" (we use to have a tenant), spare room, family room, laundry room, kitchen, and our bedroom. I also reorganized the book shelf in our living room; fiction by authors last name, non-fiction by a lose version of the Dewy Decimal system. Now that the weather is getting warmer I am itching to get outside and clean up the yard, garden, shed, add more support to the fence, and reorganize our deck area. I also have plans for our basement that my husband would not let me start until the warmer weather hit, mainly due to his claim that construction work should wait until you can put the tore down walls outside until the weekend dump run.
All this organizing makes me wonder if I am actually, clinically, OCD or just love to have things organized. When my daughter asks me where a particular piece of stationary supply can be found I love that I can give her simple directions to its home without a second thought. I find it very satisfying when I open our linen cupboard to see nice neat piles of towels and sheets. But when I open said closet to find face cloths in a lump, fitted sheets in a ball, and towels falling down on me I cringe, sigh or get down right irritated. Why is it so difficult to put the bowls with the bowls and the plates on the shelf below? The baby bottle lids, nipple, and rings take up much less room when they are assembled before putting them in the drawer, don't they? And if you put the bowls on the front of the dish rack, the plates at he back, the cutting boards on the side, and all the silverware with handles down, doesn't the drying rack hold more?
It probably wouldn't be so bad if I didn't actually feel irritated that no one else sees the logic in how I organize things and does their best to follow my lead. Fact is, they probably are doing their best, I'm just too crazy about how I like things that I need to fix it and wonder why they didn't do it the way I think it should be done in the first place.
I think the next post I will share a few of my organizational ideas. Hopefully, if anyone happens to read the posts, you can weight in on whether I am actually Obsessive Compulsive or if I just have a knack for efficiency and organization.
FBM
All this organizing makes me wonder if I am actually, clinically, OCD or just love to have things organized. When my daughter asks me where a particular piece of stationary supply can be found I love that I can give her simple directions to its home without a second thought. I find it very satisfying when I open our linen cupboard to see nice neat piles of towels and sheets. But when I open said closet to find face cloths in a lump, fitted sheets in a ball, and towels falling down on me I cringe, sigh or get down right irritated. Why is it so difficult to put the bowls with the bowls and the plates on the shelf below? The baby bottle lids, nipple, and rings take up much less room when they are assembled before putting them in the drawer, don't they? And if you put the bowls on the front of the dish rack, the plates at he back, the cutting boards on the side, and all the silverware with handles down, doesn't the drying rack hold more?
It probably wouldn't be so bad if I didn't actually feel irritated that no one else sees the logic in how I organize things and does their best to follow my lead. Fact is, they probably are doing their best, I'm just too crazy about how I like things that I need to fix it and wonder why they didn't do it the way I think it should be done in the first place.
I think the next post I will share a few of my organizational ideas. Hopefully, if anyone happens to read the posts, you can weight in on whether I am actually Obsessive Compulsive or if I just have a knack for efficiency and organization.
FBM
Monday 19 March 2012
"Love and work are the only two real things in our lives. They belong together, otherwise it is off. Work is in itself a form of love.” ― Marilyn Monroe
My husband told me about the wise words of his younger brother. I believe the information originated from a friend who studied psychology. He said that love is expressed in five basic ways. At first I was skeptical of this, but once my husband explained it to me it actually made a lot of sense. It is important to realize that some people respond better to one or two of these items and also may not even recognize others. Figuring out how to express love to your significant other, or even just those you care about, in a way they understand will ensure they get the message.
Physical Touch
This of course includes, but is not only about, sex, so I'll get that one out of the way. Physical expressions can include hugs, kisses, a light touch, or maybe even just a hand on the small of your back. Being physically present is important, but also not using touch in a harmful way, like neglecting someone, can be key.
Acts of service
The little things we do for others, like chores around the house, that tell them that you love them and care. By removing tasks from their to do list they see your love through your actions. Sometimes we can do these things in secret, so that the recipient only knows that someone cared enough to (eg. shovel their walk), which can let them know they are not alone. Falling through on commitments can be very detrimental to a relationship, or not pulling your weight around the house.
Gift giving
This is stereotypical with couples who are courting or dating. They may send each other flowers or chocolates, but the thoughtful gifts are much more valuable. Taking the time to give a gift that shows you know the person, and not necessarily that you have a lot of money, speaks volumes. Taking someone out for dinner, making them a scarf, or even just sending them a "thinking of you" note, are all expressions of love. Doing little things daily or gifts with out occasion can sometimes mean even more.
Words
Love notes obviously also fall under this category. Sometimes we forget to tell people in words how we actually feel. It is important to articulate our emotions as well as express them through actions. Compliments for no reason, telling someone why you love them and of course the very words "I Love You" are very powerful. Likewise, an insult can be devastating.
Time
You could do all the chores in the world for someone, but if they recognize time together as an expression of love, you may be having an alternative effect. Putting everything else on hold to spend time and pay attention to that person tells them that they are the most important thing. Take the time to listen without distraction. Make sure that, when you commit to time together, you keep that date and don't postpone for something else. Most of all, be present and make sure that you spend quality time with your loved ones. They will hear "I love you" in the silence of your undivided attention.
Today I would like to challenge everyone who reads this post to make a conscious effort for the next week, or even month, to express at least one of these forms of love every day. If we all get in the habit of it I think those whom we love will not only feel our love more, but perhaps subconsciously pass on these acts of love to others. And couldn't we all use more love?
FBM
Physical Touch
This of course includes, but is not only about, sex, so I'll get that one out of the way. Physical expressions can include hugs, kisses, a light touch, or maybe even just a hand on the small of your back. Being physically present is important, but also not using touch in a harmful way, like neglecting someone, can be key.
Acts of service
The little things we do for others, like chores around the house, that tell them that you love them and care. By removing tasks from their to do list they see your love through your actions. Sometimes we can do these things in secret, so that the recipient only knows that someone cared enough to (eg. shovel their walk), which can let them know they are not alone. Falling through on commitments can be very detrimental to a relationship, or not pulling your weight around the house.
Gift giving
This is stereotypical with couples who are courting or dating. They may send each other flowers or chocolates, but the thoughtful gifts are much more valuable. Taking the time to give a gift that shows you know the person, and not necessarily that you have a lot of money, speaks volumes. Taking someone out for dinner, making them a scarf, or even just sending them a "thinking of you" note, are all expressions of love. Doing little things daily or gifts with out occasion can sometimes mean even more.
Words
Love notes obviously also fall under this category. Sometimes we forget to tell people in words how we actually feel. It is important to articulate our emotions as well as express them through actions. Compliments for no reason, telling someone why you love them and of course the very words "I Love You" are very powerful. Likewise, an insult can be devastating.
Time
You could do all the chores in the world for someone, but if they recognize time together as an expression of love, you may be having an alternative effect. Putting everything else on hold to spend time and pay attention to that person tells them that they are the most important thing. Take the time to listen without distraction. Make sure that, when you commit to time together, you keep that date and don't postpone for something else. Most of all, be present and make sure that you spend quality time with your loved ones. They will hear "I love you" in the silence of your undivided attention.
Today I would like to challenge everyone who reads this post to make a conscious effort for the next week, or even month, to express at least one of these forms of love every day. If we all get in the habit of it I think those whom we love will not only feel our love more, but perhaps subconsciously pass on these acts of love to others. And couldn't we all use more love?
FBM
Thursday 15 March 2012
The Intrusion of Intuition
A lot of people have heard of Myers Briggs. I have found that those who like horoscopes tend to think Myers Briggs is a crock; I on the other hand think this form of personality typing a little more reliable than the stars. Don't get me wrong. I do not by any means think that Myers Briggs is 100% accurate, but find it a better guide then astrology, which I appreciate more for its entertainment value.
I have been tested three times at different periods in my life and always come up the same; ESTJ (extroverted, sensing, thinking, judging). I have no intention of explaining the Myers Briggs testing process or the types here as my post is intended for another topic. If you want to look it up please see this link as a starting point:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator
I believe that I am only slightly a Sensing person, and still have some Intuitive tendencies. These tendencies I would rather do without quite honestly, as they only cause me great stress, probably due to my strong Thinking and Judging characteristics. I seem to have some level of intuition when I observe the situations friends and family are working through. While I greatly enjoy facts and support my personal decisions strongly on such information, I can look at the current path of others and, with rather good accuracy, predict where their current actions will take them.
Sounds great doesn't it? Being able to watch someone and say to yourself "if they continue working so hard they will most certainly reach their goals. Good for them!" Not so. Unfortunately, I tend to pick up on the more detrimental actions of others, and thus foresee the not so happy circumstances they are heading towards. In most cases, it is not my place to step in and advise them what to do. In some cases I may voice my opinion but can see it being discounted as preposterous before I even finish my sentence. In the rare case, my advice may be heeded or the person stops to think and they appear to side step some difficulty.
I am not saying that my intuition is always right, though often when it is strong it is accurate. Or that my opinion on how to change the potentially inevitable is correct. I am simply saying that it is excruciating to watch family or friends in such situations and not be able to help them in one way or another. I explained this to my husband with the following analogy: I am up on the top of a high building looking down at the street. A person is preparing to cross the street and in doing so will be hit by a bus. The bus may injure or kill them, but no matter how I yell (if I choose) from my vantage point they can not hear me. Sometimes they pause for just a moment and avoid the bus. Sometimes they don't. In the worst cases they are dragging someone across the street with them who too, by their own fault or not, will also be hit by the bus.
I hate watching these situations unfold. I want to be as supportive as possible in the hopes that they will wait for the bus to pass. If they do fall under the bus, maybe I can at least help them heal afterwords. But my logical side says that there must be some other way to cross the street if they must. I wish I could help them find it. I wish I didn't have this intuition. I wish there were no buses.
FBM
I have been tested three times at different periods in my life and always come up the same; ESTJ (extroverted, sensing, thinking, judging). I have no intention of explaining the Myers Briggs testing process or the types here as my post is intended for another topic. If you want to look it up please see this link as a starting point:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator
I believe that I am only slightly a Sensing person, and still have some Intuitive tendencies. These tendencies I would rather do without quite honestly, as they only cause me great stress, probably due to my strong Thinking and Judging characteristics. I seem to have some level of intuition when I observe the situations friends and family are working through. While I greatly enjoy facts and support my personal decisions strongly on such information, I can look at the current path of others and, with rather good accuracy, predict where their current actions will take them.
Sounds great doesn't it? Being able to watch someone and say to yourself "if they continue working so hard they will most certainly reach their goals. Good for them!" Not so. Unfortunately, I tend to pick up on the more detrimental actions of others, and thus foresee the not so happy circumstances they are heading towards. In most cases, it is not my place to step in and advise them what to do. In some cases I may voice my opinion but can see it being discounted as preposterous before I even finish my sentence. In the rare case, my advice may be heeded or the person stops to think and they appear to side step some difficulty.
I am not saying that my intuition is always right, though often when it is strong it is accurate. Or that my opinion on how to change the potentially inevitable is correct. I am simply saying that it is excruciating to watch family or friends in such situations and not be able to help them in one way or another. I explained this to my husband with the following analogy: I am up on the top of a high building looking down at the street. A person is preparing to cross the street and in doing so will be hit by a bus. The bus may injure or kill them, but no matter how I yell (if I choose) from my vantage point they can not hear me. Sometimes they pause for just a moment and avoid the bus. Sometimes they don't. In the worst cases they are dragging someone across the street with them who too, by their own fault or not, will also be hit by the bus.
I hate watching these situations unfold. I want to be as supportive as possible in the hopes that they will wait for the bus to pass. If they do fall under the bus, maybe I can at least help them heal afterwords. But my logical side says that there must be some other way to cross the street if they must. I wish I could help them find it. I wish I didn't have this intuition. I wish there were no buses.
FBM
Tuesday 13 March 2012
Spring is in the Air
Just a quick light post. I love Spring! I enjoy Summer the most out of all the seasons because the weather is the best and I can enjoy both the indoors and outdoors equally. Spring, however, is a promise and I think that is why I love it so. As soon as the weather begins to change I can feel it. No. I can smell it! I can't explain it exactly, and perhaps some readers will know what I mean, but I can actually smell Spring coming before the snow has even begun to melt. That smell holds the promise of Spring and all that comes with it and everything that it leads to. You can smell it in the breezy air that freshens up the cold staleness of winter. It makes me giddy!
For me, Spring gets rid of the yucky crap on the ground that use to be the magic of snow, but has lots all it's glimmer. Spring invites the rain to clean everything up, wake everything up and encourage it to start growing again. It brings warmer temperatures that, although come Fall we will find them chilly, seem ever so warm in the Spring. The sun begins to shine more and the days are getting longer again. I love going for walks again without having to put on ten layers of clothing. Even walking in the rain on warmer days is energizing; listening to the patter of the rain on the umbrella and splashing in the puddles. I fall asleep to thunderstorms with the sound of rain on the roof and window panes.
People even seem nicer as the weather perks up and often strangers say hello in the streets. It is like the feeling and wonder of Christmas renewed in the hope of Summer. And that is the biggest and brightest promise of Spring; that Summer is on it's way!
Enjoy!!!
FBM
For me, Spring gets rid of the yucky crap on the ground that use to be the magic of snow, but has lots all it's glimmer. Spring invites the rain to clean everything up, wake everything up and encourage it to start growing again. It brings warmer temperatures that, although come Fall we will find them chilly, seem ever so warm in the Spring. The sun begins to shine more and the days are getting longer again. I love going for walks again without having to put on ten layers of clothing. Even walking in the rain on warmer days is energizing; listening to the patter of the rain on the umbrella and splashing in the puddles. I fall asleep to thunderstorms with the sound of rain on the roof and window panes.
People even seem nicer as the weather perks up and often strangers say hello in the streets. It is like the feeling and wonder of Christmas renewed in the hope of Summer. And that is the biggest and brightest promise of Spring; that Summer is on it's way!
Enjoy!!!
FBM
Thursday 8 March 2012
Books, Books, Books
As a child I loved to visit the library. It was only about two blocks from our home so my mother often let us go there independently. The one in my home town resided in an old, unrenovated, white house near the main street. (Yup, small town) I think I temporarily fell out of love with books when school made reading a synonym with "work". In high school I loved writing essays and pouring over a novel looking for the perfect quote to back up my thesis. At that point I was in denial though and would have still told you I hated English class. Finally in University the fates got to me and I switched my major to English. Ever since I swoon over books, especially old hard cover copies. I avoid going to book stores unless I can afford to buy at least one great book, otherwise I will spend hours there looking through the shelves only to leave broken hearted; all those lovely books just waiting for someone to take them home, and I would love them so!
Inadvertently, I married a man who shares my longtime love for reading. My husband grew up in a home that did not really watch television. Really, did not watch it at all. I'm not even sure they owned a television. His parents learned English as a second language so he was encouraged to read books to pick up the language better. His choice of childhood literature is interesting, but very tell tale if you knew him. Encyclopedias. Yes, not because he had to, but because he enjoyed all the information. Information he uses to torment people by throwing unknown facts into conversations, or fables that sound like truths, thus prompting people to think of him as a "story teller" (also affectionately known as a liar). I like to think that he is so smart that he simply gets bored of standard conversation and likes to spice it up; sometimes with interesting facts and sometimes with outlandish lies based on facts. Regardless, he loves to read when ever he gets the chance.
When we got married we discovered that we had a very interesting combination of books. I, being the English Major, own a lot of Dickens, Hardy, Austen, Shakespeare, anthologies, poetry, and children's books due to ones purchased for school and for RD when she was younger. My husband is a nerd. I love his nerdiness and believe that I am (I hate to say this) a closet nerd as well. I say this because I not only know but understand the majority of his nerdy references. Even the very vague ones. My husband, therefore, owns many Star Trek novels, Douglas Adams, Michael Crichton, as well as copies of the classics he had to or chose to read, like Fitzgerald and Twain. Not to mention that he grew up close to the Shakespeare capital of Canada, Stratford, and thus we have many duplicate copies of Shakespeare plays, biographies and anthologies. In addition, we have both collected an assortment of Non-Fiction books, such as Home Repair, World History, Animal Kingdom Encyclopedia, self help, true stories, National Geographic and etiquette. If that was not enough, my husband is also very musically inclined as an organist / pianist. We have shelves of hymnals, bibles, sheet music in binders, collected works or sets of music by many composers, and my daughters guitar books.
Shortly after we got married we purchased two LARGE book cases (surprise) to match one we were given, and now have the beginnings of our own personal library. It actually doesn't look like much, but when you realize that there are additional book shelves in the nursery and my daughter keeps stacks of books in her room it starts to add up. I use to read to my daughter every night, until she became too cool for me. I started reading to my son before he was born. I will read him anything, given that he doesn't really understand any of it yet. I do still try to throw in the children's classics though; Alice in Wonderland, Treasure Island, Winnie the Pooh, The Princess Bride. He already, at 7 months, seems to love books. Yes, he will try to eat them if he gets his hands on them, but stares at the book shelves in awe and with a smile. The first time I took him to the library I thought he was going to have a fit. He is not crawling yet, but once he can I know I'll be chasing him around the stacks in the children's section. I think the word "Book" will be one of his first, which kind of makes me proud.
My husband keeps offering to buy me a Kindle (we play this game where we offer to buy what we consider extravagant things for one another, knowing that we would both rather put the money to savings). While I might enjoy books on tablet for the convenience of being able to cart around hundreds of books, I don't think I would enjoy it as much. I love new books. I love old books even more. Hard cover is a fav. Cracking the spine, smelling the paper, wondering where the book has travelled and how many other people have shared this same story just adds to the wonderment of the story. I am a terrible person for dog earing my books, which I know makes some people cringe. I only do it to books I own though. I like to look at them as if they are my own Velveteen Rabbits to pass on and share with my children. I guess that is why I know I will always be
FBM
Inadvertently, I married a man who shares my longtime love for reading. My husband grew up in a home that did not really watch television. Really, did not watch it at all. I'm not even sure they owned a television. His parents learned English as a second language so he was encouraged to read books to pick up the language better. His choice of childhood literature is interesting, but very tell tale if you knew him. Encyclopedias. Yes, not because he had to, but because he enjoyed all the information. Information he uses to torment people by throwing unknown facts into conversations, or fables that sound like truths, thus prompting people to think of him as a "story teller" (also affectionately known as a liar). I like to think that he is so smart that he simply gets bored of standard conversation and likes to spice it up; sometimes with interesting facts and sometimes with outlandish lies based on facts. Regardless, he loves to read when ever he gets the chance.
When we got married we discovered that we had a very interesting combination of books. I, being the English Major, own a lot of Dickens, Hardy, Austen, Shakespeare, anthologies, poetry, and children's books due to ones purchased for school and for RD when she was younger. My husband is a nerd. I love his nerdiness and believe that I am (I hate to say this) a closet nerd as well. I say this because I not only know but understand the majority of his nerdy references. Even the very vague ones. My husband, therefore, owns many Star Trek novels, Douglas Adams, Michael Crichton, as well as copies of the classics he had to or chose to read, like Fitzgerald and Twain. Not to mention that he grew up close to the Shakespeare capital of Canada, Stratford, and thus we have many duplicate copies of Shakespeare plays, biographies and anthologies. In addition, we have both collected an assortment of Non-Fiction books, such as Home Repair, World History, Animal Kingdom Encyclopedia, self help, true stories, National Geographic and etiquette. If that was not enough, my husband is also very musically inclined as an organist / pianist. We have shelves of hymnals, bibles, sheet music in binders, collected works or sets of music by many composers, and my daughters guitar books.
Shortly after we got married we purchased two LARGE book cases (surprise) to match one we were given, and now have the beginnings of our own personal library. It actually doesn't look like much, but when you realize that there are additional book shelves in the nursery and my daughter keeps stacks of books in her room it starts to add up. I use to read to my daughter every night, until she became too cool for me. I started reading to my son before he was born. I will read him anything, given that he doesn't really understand any of it yet. I do still try to throw in the children's classics though; Alice in Wonderland, Treasure Island, Winnie the Pooh, The Princess Bride. He already, at 7 months, seems to love books. Yes, he will try to eat them if he gets his hands on them, but stares at the book shelves in awe and with a smile. The first time I took him to the library I thought he was going to have a fit. He is not crawling yet, but once he can I know I'll be chasing him around the stacks in the children's section. I think the word "Book" will be one of his first, which kind of makes me proud.
My husband keeps offering to buy me a Kindle (we play this game where we offer to buy what we consider extravagant things for one another, knowing that we would both rather put the money to savings). While I might enjoy books on tablet for the convenience of being able to cart around hundreds of books, I don't think I would enjoy it as much. I love new books. I love old books even more. Hard cover is a fav. Cracking the spine, smelling the paper, wondering where the book has travelled and how many other people have shared this same story just adds to the wonderment of the story. I am a terrible person for dog earing my books, which I know makes some people cringe. I only do it to books I own though. I like to look at them as if they are my own Velveteen Rabbits to pass on and share with my children. I guess that is why I know I will always be
FBM
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Day Care vs Child Minding - Looking for the best but coming up short.
Up front, let me say that this post is coming out of my frustration in finding a local day care for my 7 month old son.
I began searching for a potential day care while I was pregnant. My husband and I had decided to go with a home day care for two main reasons; few if any businesses in our area will take children under 18 months old because the ratios of workers to infants, required by law, are too high and because we felt that home day cares often provide more care than simple child minding. I consider child care the type of service that actually cares for a child in the absence of their primary care givers; not only do they care for the necessities but also engage the child in activities and ensure their day is enjoyable and fun. What many, and in my opinion most, business (store front) day cares provide is actually child minding. Child minding, in my opinion, is simply making sure that your child is safe and healthy in your absence; perhaps playing with them if you have time, but for the most part feeding them, changing their diapers, and making sure they don't hurt themselves or any other child in the businesses care. In the town I live in there are a number of child minding services, a number of child care services, but in both cases few that are willing to take on children under 18 months of age.
I began my search with simple research. While I found out a little about some local businesses through their websites, I more so talked to friends who are moms and asked where they sent their children and why. One in particular I had inquired with because she has three young children, is a Good Teacher, and has a business day care (YMCA) connected to the school at which she works. I had heard mixed reviews about the day care in the past, and had even sent my daughter there almost a decade ago. I felt this friend would be able to provide an up to date, knowledgeable opinion about the care they provide. I was shocked to say the least. Even with the massive convenience that using the YMCA day care would provide her (one stop for child care and work) she choose to take her children to a day care facility about 15 minutes out of town! When I asked her why she indicated that she had done a lot of research and found that the one she choose actually had a structured, engaging schedule and great caregiver to child ratios. When I told her I thought she would take her kids to the YMCA day care that was at her school she simply gave me a look that said "Are you kidding?". Given that this was similar feedback to what I had heard all along, and that my grown daughter even said she would not let me send her brother there, after her experience, I put that option to rest.
Any other business day cares I was able to find all noted in their literature that they did not accept children under 18 months of age. So we began looking at home day cares instead. My sister had found a great home day care where she lives in Ontario, run by an ECE (Early Childhood Education) graduate. She was so pleased with the care that I thought I surely could find something at least similar here. I heard word that there are a large number of home day cares in our town, but was having difficulty finding them. It is somewhat understandable given that, once I child starts at a day care, they can sometimes be expected to be there for four years full time. With the lack of infant care there also seems to be a high demand for home day cares. However, many of these women (as they all seem to be) take few, if any infants as well. I was told flat out by one that it is too much work and not worth their time when they could care for toddlers who are mobile and more interactive. The Day Nurseries Act also prohibits someone from caring for too many children of a younger age, or more than five children (in addition to your own) without obtaining a licence.
Perhaps it is one or many of the above reasons that makes home day care providers so hard to get a hold of. I have contacted many over the past months and at best received an initial email in recognition of me contacting them. In that email they usually seem to be beginning some sort of correspondence, perhaps pose some questions or invite further inquiries from me. Once I email back...nothing. Not a phone call, not an email, not even a simple note to say they have no further positions or are not interested in my sons age group. I expect that they will not get back to me within 24 hours; they are caring for children and need time to respond. But weeks later with no answers is frustrating. Having worked for decades in office administration, I find this very bad form for anyone trying to run a business. Sadly, I had similar experiences when I contacted the store front day care businesses as well; often asked to leave a message, but never having it returned. The only logical answer to me is that there is such a copious demand for care in our community that these care providers can let customers (parents) slip away without another thought because another one will be there when they want one.
As a mother who is trying to not only return to work, but ensure that her son will be able to socialize in a safe engaging environment, I am beyond frustrated with this process. I have had two care providers agree to take care of my son, only to back out in the end; one because she is now moving and the other because she changed her mind and wanted more money. I have inquired with family, friends, friends of friends, checked newspapers and online sites daily and am still getting the same result. Does anyone think this may be a small factor in the increasing unemployment rate? I am one of the lucky ones who has an extremely understanding and flexible employer, but once my maternity leave is up, I need to return to work if I want to keep my job. Regardless of that, even if I could place my son in what I would consider a child minding service, he will not be old enough, and I would have needed to be placed on the waiting list about a year ago.
Conclusion? Right now, I just don't know. The clock is ticking. All I can do is keep contacting people and hope that someone responds. When that happens I guess I will hold my breath till I know they are trustworthy and dependable. It is my child after all. Until then...
FBM
I began searching for a potential day care while I was pregnant. My husband and I had decided to go with a home day care for two main reasons; few if any businesses in our area will take children under 18 months old because the ratios of workers to infants, required by law, are too high and because we felt that home day cares often provide more care than simple child minding. I consider child care the type of service that actually cares for a child in the absence of their primary care givers; not only do they care for the necessities but also engage the child in activities and ensure their day is enjoyable and fun. What many, and in my opinion most, business (store front) day cares provide is actually child minding. Child minding, in my opinion, is simply making sure that your child is safe and healthy in your absence; perhaps playing with them if you have time, but for the most part feeding them, changing their diapers, and making sure they don't hurt themselves or any other child in the businesses care. In the town I live in there are a number of child minding services, a number of child care services, but in both cases few that are willing to take on children under 18 months of age.
I began my search with simple research. While I found out a little about some local businesses through their websites, I more so talked to friends who are moms and asked where they sent their children and why. One in particular I had inquired with because she has three young children, is a Good Teacher, and has a business day care (YMCA) connected to the school at which she works. I had heard mixed reviews about the day care in the past, and had even sent my daughter there almost a decade ago. I felt this friend would be able to provide an up to date, knowledgeable opinion about the care they provide. I was shocked to say the least. Even with the massive convenience that using the YMCA day care would provide her (one stop for child care and work) she choose to take her children to a day care facility about 15 minutes out of town! When I asked her why she indicated that she had done a lot of research and found that the one she choose actually had a structured, engaging schedule and great caregiver to child ratios. When I told her I thought she would take her kids to the YMCA day care that was at her school she simply gave me a look that said "Are you kidding?". Given that this was similar feedback to what I had heard all along, and that my grown daughter even said she would not let me send her brother there, after her experience, I put that option to rest.
Any other business day cares I was able to find all noted in their literature that they did not accept children under 18 months of age. So we began looking at home day cares instead. My sister had found a great home day care where she lives in Ontario, run by an ECE (Early Childhood Education) graduate. She was so pleased with the care that I thought I surely could find something at least similar here. I heard word that there are a large number of home day cares in our town, but was having difficulty finding them. It is somewhat understandable given that, once I child starts at a day care, they can sometimes be expected to be there for four years full time. With the lack of infant care there also seems to be a high demand for home day cares. However, many of these women (as they all seem to be) take few, if any infants as well. I was told flat out by one that it is too much work and not worth their time when they could care for toddlers who are mobile and more interactive. The Day Nurseries Act also prohibits someone from caring for too many children of a younger age, or more than five children (in addition to your own) without obtaining a licence.
Perhaps it is one or many of the above reasons that makes home day care providers so hard to get a hold of. I have contacted many over the past months and at best received an initial email in recognition of me contacting them. In that email they usually seem to be beginning some sort of correspondence, perhaps pose some questions or invite further inquiries from me. Once I email back...nothing. Not a phone call, not an email, not even a simple note to say they have no further positions or are not interested in my sons age group. I expect that they will not get back to me within 24 hours; they are caring for children and need time to respond. But weeks later with no answers is frustrating. Having worked for decades in office administration, I find this very bad form for anyone trying to run a business. Sadly, I had similar experiences when I contacted the store front day care businesses as well; often asked to leave a message, but never having it returned. The only logical answer to me is that there is such a copious demand for care in our community that these care providers can let customers (parents) slip away without another thought because another one will be there when they want one.
As a mother who is trying to not only return to work, but ensure that her son will be able to socialize in a safe engaging environment, I am beyond frustrated with this process. I have had two care providers agree to take care of my son, only to back out in the end; one because she is now moving and the other because she changed her mind and wanted more money. I have inquired with family, friends, friends of friends, checked newspapers and online sites daily and am still getting the same result. Does anyone think this may be a small factor in the increasing unemployment rate? I am one of the lucky ones who has an extremely understanding and flexible employer, but once my maternity leave is up, I need to return to work if I want to keep my job. Regardless of that, even if I could place my son in what I would consider a child minding service, he will not be old enough, and I would have needed to be placed on the waiting list about a year ago.
Conclusion? Right now, I just don't know. The clock is ticking. All I can do is keep contacting people and hope that someone responds. When that happens I guess I will hold my breath till I know they are trustworthy and dependable. It is my child after all. Until then...
FBM
Saturday 3 March 2012
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” ― Marilyn Monroe
Like many young girls, and women for that matter, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life. (Sounds greatly philosophical, but I assure you it never really feels that way during the process.) Many of the guys I dated, as I said before, lost interest somewhere along the way and started taking me for granted. In retrospect, I don't think they were completely to blame. Since I didn't know who I was I think I often tried to be whomever they seemed to want me to be. It's no wonder they got bored of me because the person they were seeing wasn't the real me anyway.
Perhaps that is all a little confusing. Lets skip to the point when I actually started to just be myself. Now, truth be told, I am still trying to figure out who I am as a whole, and people constantly change as they get older. What I am referring to here is the point at which I decided that I was going to say to a male population "This is who I am. If you don't like it, I am not the one for you. Please move on." Harsh? Not really. In the end it was what really worked and got me the best man for me.
When I started working at my present place of employment, some four years ago, I still was a little confused. I met my husband just days after starting my job (yes, we work together) and recall thinking "Here is a nice single guy, too bad he is not my type." Over the next few months I became friends with several people at work, including my husband. One of my co-workers had told me that, now that I was entering my 30's, I was finally going to be honest about who I really was, forget about looking for a guy, and then he would turn up out of the blue. I didn't take much heed to what she said. Let's face it, she married her husband in her early twenties after dating him for over 5 years. However, she could not have been more right if she had had a crystal ball sitting on her desk.
My husband and I hung out outside of work, became Facebook friends, and talked often during coffee breaks; things that we did with others that we worked with too. We both attended some local charity events and, since neither of us had someone to go with, went together. It wasn't until my husband went on another one of his semi-frequent business trips that everything solidified for me. Upon his return to work someone walking past my cubicle just happen to mention that he was back in the office. Completely innocent of course, but my heart skipped a beat and I instinctively stood up to go see him. Then I stopped. A rush of successive thoughts entered my head; what are you doing? why is my heart pounding? why am I suddenly so happy? did I miss him? why would I miss him? do I like him? OMG I like him!
I sat back down. When did this happen? I must be imagining this. I've got to see him.
So I decided to ask him if all the regular people from work could all get together for his birthday the following week. Go out to dinner or something. That would be a good excuse to go see him right away. When I walked into his office he was wearing a three piece suit and my heart jumped. (Any girl knows that guys always look their best in a suit and their most snugly in comfy clothes, so you can imagine the reaction I was having.) It must be noted that this is not standard attire for our place of work. Apparently he had just come back from a funeral service (sad) that he had played at (he plays organ and piano) and thus the suit (happy). Well, to shorten up the story a bit, with my heart all a flutter we made the birthday dinner plans.
The following week I showed up at his house after work only to find out that no one else was able to make it; they were either out of town on business or had children home sick. We sat and talked for a long time, during which I flat out told him how I felt. He responded later that evening on Facebook (I still make fun of him for this) and has claimed since that it was due to his shock that a girl would be so honest about her feelings up front. Since we did go out to dinner that night we decided to call that evening our first official date. On our second date I asked him what his "make or brake" list consisted of. We proceeded in an almost half business half date fashion discussing everything from pet peeves we could never live with to how many children we would want and when.
With all that hard core detail out of the way we finally addressed the issue of working together and dating. Our company policy was that HR must be informed to ensure there would be no conflict of interest. Given that we worked in different departments and neither of us had to answer to the other we were pretty safe, but decided to wait two weeks and then tell our boss. No need to stir the pot if nothing heated up and we decided to just be friends. Well, after two weeks we walked into our bosses office (a mutual close friend by the way) and broke the news. She was stunned and excited, but had no qualms. We asked to keep our relationship quiet in order that we would not draw attention from other staff, to which she agreed.
Three months later we decided to let the cat out of the bag subtly; I wore my engagement ring to work and waited to see who would notice and how fast the news would travel. That was actually kind of fun! Even though some people thought we were moving things rather quickly we knew that we had discussed all the important issues upfront, so there were no misunderstandings once our emotions really took hold. We truly built out relationship on a foundation of honesty and openness. One of the great things about my husband is that he truly loves me for who I am, and not who he wants me to be. Which makes me love him for who he is even more.
FBM
Perhaps that is all a little confusing. Lets skip to the point when I actually started to just be myself. Now, truth be told, I am still trying to figure out who I am as a whole, and people constantly change as they get older. What I am referring to here is the point at which I decided that I was going to say to a male population "This is who I am. If you don't like it, I am not the one for you. Please move on." Harsh? Not really. In the end it was what really worked and got me the best man for me.
When I started working at my present place of employment, some four years ago, I still was a little confused. I met my husband just days after starting my job (yes, we work together) and recall thinking "Here is a nice single guy, too bad he is not my type." Over the next few months I became friends with several people at work, including my husband. One of my co-workers had told me that, now that I was entering my 30's, I was finally going to be honest about who I really was, forget about looking for a guy, and then he would turn up out of the blue. I didn't take much heed to what she said. Let's face it, she married her husband in her early twenties after dating him for over 5 years. However, she could not have been more right if she had had a crystal ball sitting on her desk.
My husband and I hung out outside of work, became Facebook friends, and talked often during coffee breaks; things that we did with others that we worked with too. We both attended some local charity events and, since neither of us had someone to go with, went together. It wasn't until my husband went on another one of his semi-frequent business trips that everything solidified for me. Upon his return to work someone walking past my cubicle just happen to mention that he was back in the office. Completely innocent of course, but my heart skipped a beat and I instinctively stood up to go see him. Then I stopped. A rush of successive thoughts entered my head; what are you doing? why is my heart pounding? why am I suddenly so happy? did I miss him? why would I miss him? do I like him? OMG I like him!
I sat back down. When did this happen? I must be imagining this. I've got to see him.
So I decided to ask him if all the regular people from work could all get together for his birthday the following week. Go out to dinner or something. That would be a good excuse to go see him right away. When I walked into his office he was wearing a three piece suit and my heart jumped. (Any girl knows that guys always look their best in a suit and their most snugly in comfy clothes, so you can imagine the reaction I was having.) It must be noted that this is not standard attire for our place of work. Apparently he had just come back from a funeral service (sad) that he had played at (he plays organ and piano) and thus the suit (happy). Well, to shorten up the story a bit, with my heart all a flutter we made the birthday dinner plans.
The following week I showed up at his house after work only to find out that no one else was able to make it; they were either out of town on business or had children home sick. We sat and talked for a long time, during which I flat out told him how I felt. He responded later that evening on Facebook (I still make fun of him for this) and has claimed since that it was due to his shock that a girl would be so honest about her feelings up front. Since we did go out to dinner that night we decided to call that evening our first official date. On our second date I asked him what his "make or brake" list consisted of. We proceeded in an almost half business half date fashion discussing everything from pet peeves we could never live with to how many children we would want and when.
With all that hard core detail out of the way we finally addressed the issue of working together and dating. Our company policy was that HR must be informed to ensure there would be no conflict of interest. Given that we worked in different departments and neither of us had to answer to the other we were pretty safe, but decided to wait two weeks and then tell our boss. No need to stir the pot if nothing heated up and we decided to just be friends. Well, after two weeks we walked into our bosses office (a mutual close friend by the way) and broke the news. She was stunned and excited, but had no qualms. We asked to keep our relationship quiet in order that we would not draw attention from other staff, to which she agreed.
Three months later we decided to let the cat out of the bag subtly; I wore my engagement ring to work and waited to see who would notice and how fast the news would travel. That was actually kind of fun! Even though some people thought we were moving things rather quickly we knew that we had discussed all the important issues upfront, so there were no misunderstandings once our emotions really took hold. We truly built out relationship on a foundation of honesty and openness. One of the great things about my husband is that he truly loves me for who I am, and not who he wants me to be. Which makes me love him for who he is even more.
FBM
Wednesday 29 February 2012
Have you ever felt totally alone in the middle of a crowd?
After getting use to the paxil I began to feel a little more cheery. The school year came to a close, my marks were looking up and I was heading home to spend the summer with RD. Unfortunately, I soon found out that I had not been accepted into residence the following year and was forced to find last minute accommodations off campus. I had a car, so that was helpful, but it also limited where I could live as parking was essential. I ended up finding a basement apartment to be shared with one other student. It was excessively small; two bedrooms, a kitchenette and a small bathroom. The other student was a lovely girl, but we had conflicting schedules and no common room to sit in so I barely saw her.
The situation forced me into isolation. I tried to spend time on campus but quickly lost touch with the spontaneous activities of friends. The library was at least a place where there were other people, but to see the others studying together only emphasized the fact that I was alone. I eventually spent a lot of time in my bedroom, which was pretty dark being underground with only one tiny window. I felt secure there for a while, like a child hiding under the covers of their bed hoping the bad feelings would pass. Believe it or not I had a boyfriend at the time, but we had been dating for over a year and he had slipped into the habit of taking me for granted and only calling me when his friends were busy.
Eventually I actually started thinking about what would happen if I took two of my pills at a time; would I feel better? Maybe that was what I needed, just a higher dose. The thoughts quietly came in and out of my mind like the tide, gradually getting unnoticeably worse. What if I took more than two? What would happen then? How long would it take for someone to notice I wasn't in class? How long before my friends realized that I had not called? What about my boyfriend, would he care? Would he even notice? How long would it be before someone noticed I was gone?
Of course my family would have known within 24 hours if I didn't answer the phone for my nightly call with my daughter. The landlord would notice once the rent was due, or my roommate once she got home from classes. The obvious things don't seem so obvious when you are depressed though. I knew I was in a bad place so I called my mom really late one night and she made the four hour round trip to bring me home. She asked me what was wrong during the car ride and I simply told her, between the tears, that I was just really sad and needed to come home.
I made more of an effort after that to quietly seek out company and not to be alone. If I couldn't go home on a weekend I would find people to hang out with on campus, or go to the mall and talk to the staff in the stores. I started having lunch at the campus pub and making friends with the staff there. I would find anyway I could to be around and interact with people without having to flat out admit that I was afraid to leave myself alone with myself.
I reapplied to residence for the following year and got in. I also started working at the campus pub. By January of that year I decided that I didn't want to be fighting against myself with these antidepressants. I didn't want them around me in case I started to wonder how many I could take again. Strangely enough, the biggest reason I didn't want to be taking the pills anymore was because I didn't want to HAVE to take them anymore. It really bothered me that I might have to take some type of medication for the rest of my life. So I stopped. One day I just decided I wasn't going to take them and I through them away. My room mate found out and got very upset; "You can't just stop taking something like that!" My doctor had a similar reaction, insisting that I needed to be slowly taken off such medication. The doctor looked at me with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, then asked how long I had been off them and how I was feeling. The truth was, much better.
I have not had any relapse since then, but I remember what it feels like. Only once, many years ago, did I start to have the same hopeless, trapped feelings, but I recognized them quickly and removed myself from the situation. Antidepressants worked for me for a little while, but I think I had some things I just needed to deal with as well. Later, when I did a little research into them, I realized how dangerous it really was that I simply stopped taking the pills. Even more dangerous though, was the self induced seclusion that I started employing as the depression settled in. If my room mate had not noticed the first signs with the insomnia and loss of appetite and sent me to the doctor I may have been much worse off.
It is really important not to let someone segregate themselves if you think they may be suffering from depression. If someone seems a downer to be around, try to figure out why first before you start excluding them. Most of all, it is important to know that real depression is beyond their control. It is actually a chemical problem in their brain and they need help. If you have feelings like you are alone, when you are around a lot of people, if you feel like you could scream and go unnoticed, just scream. Honestly - SCREAM! You'll see that a lot of people will notice you and one of them, someone who is or will be a friend, will help.
FBM
The situation forced me into isolation. I tried to spend time on campus but quickly lost touch with the spontaneous activities of friends. The library was at least a place where there were other people, but to see the others studying together only emphasized the fact that I was alone. I eventually spent a lot of time in my bedroom, which was pretty dark being underground with only one tiny window. I felt secure there for a while, like a child hiding under the covers of their bed hoping the bad feelings would pass. Believe it or not I had a boyfriend at the time, but we had been dating for over a year and he had slipped into the habit of taking me for granted and only calling me when his friends were busy.
Eventually I actually started thinking about what would happen if I took two of my pills at a time; would I feel better? Maybe that was what I needed, just a higher dose. The thoughts quietly came in and out of my mind like the tide, gradually getting unnoticeably worse. What if I took more than two? What would happen then? How long would it take for someone to notice I wasn't in class? How long before my friends realized that I had not called? What about my boyfriend, would he care? Would he even notice? How long would it be before someone noticed I was gone?
Of course my family would have known within 24 hours if I didn't answer the phone for my nightly call with my daughter. The landlord would notice once the rent was due, or my roommate once she got home from classes. The obvious things don't seem so obvious when you are depressed though. I knew I was in a bad place so I called my mom really late one night and she made the four hour round trip to bring me home. She asked me what was wrong during the car ride and I simply told her, between the tears, that I was just really sad and needed to come home.
I made more of an effort after that to quietly seek out company and not to be alone. If I couldn't go home on a weekend I would find people to hang out with on campus, or go to the mall and talk to the staff in the stores. I started having lunch at the campus pub and making friends with the staff there. I would find anyway I could to be around and interact with people without having to flat out admit that I was afraid to leave myself alone with myself.
I reapplied to residence for the following year and got in. I also started working at the campus pub. By January of that year I decided that I didn't want to be fighting against myself with these antidepressants. I didn't want them around me in case I started to wonder how many I could take again. Strangely enough, the biggest reason I didn't want to be taking the pills anymore was because I didn't want to HAVE to take them anymore. It really bothered me that I might have to take some type of medication for the rest of my life. So I stopped. One day I just decided I wasn't going to take them and I through them away. My room mate found out and got very upset; "You can't just stop taking something like that!" My doctor had a similar reaction, insisting that I needed to be slowly taken off such medication. The doctor looked at me with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, then asked how long I had been off them and how I was feeling. The truth was, much better.
I have not had any relapse since then, but I remember what it feels like. Only once, many years ago, did I start to have the same hopeless, trapped feelings, but I recognized them quickly and removed myself from the situation. Antidepressants worked for me for a little while, but I think I had some things I just needed to deal with as well. Later, when I did a little research into them, I realized how dangerous it really was that I simply stopped taking the pills. Even more dangerous though, was the self induced seclusion that I started employing as the depression settled in. If my room mate had not noticed the first signs with the insomnia and loss of appetite and sent me to the doctor I may have been much worse off.
It is really important not to let someone segregate themselves if you think they may be suffering from depression. If someone seems a downer to be around, try to figure out why first before you start excluding them. Most of all, it is important to know that real depression is beyond their control. It is actually a chemical problem in their brain and they need help. If you have feelings like you are alone, when you are around a lot of people, if you feel like you could scream and go unnoticed, just scream. Honestly - SCREAM! You'll see that a lot of people will notice you and one of them, someone who is or will be a friend, will help.
FBM
“ If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ” ― Marilyn Monroe
I will do my best to keep this entry to one post, but I have a feeling that wont be possible; I apologize in advance.
Like Marilyn, we all have our ups and downs. As the story goes, she had a lot more downs. Myself, I had some not so nice experiences in my earlier years, but can also say for certain that I hit my lowest then and survived. Anyone who knows me and is about to read this post may find it rather shocking; maybe not. It is what it is, however, and I agree with the title post completely.
During my first pregnancy I dealt with a lot of terrible people. Some I have mentioned in earlier posts. The worst one I may never mention at all. Needless to say, I was not in the happiest of places when I had RD, which is not a great start to a situation where the brightest and happiest women are afflicted with postpartum depression. As I mentioned previously, I had RD in September and took a mere two weeks off school and three weeks off work. My Grandfather, who was ill at the time, was actually well enough to drive us home from the hospital. By December, however, his health had rapidly declined. My mother quietly informed us that he was suffering from cancer of the mouth.
I had been taking only two classes that semester and was home for lunch that day. My mother informed me that a lawyer was coming by to visit my Grandfather so that he could rewrite his will. Shortly before I was to leave for my afternoon class my Grandfather collapsed. I would never wish what happened next on anyone. My mother was calling for help from the next room so I placed my 3 month old daughter on the floor out of harms way. When I entered the room my Grandfather was falling to the floor and my mother was hysterical. She kept asking me what to do and calling out to her father. I told her to call 911 and attempted to revive him as best I could. I was told later that I apparently got his heart going again, but it just wasn't enough. He passed away that day, not from the cancer, but from a heart attack. I blamed myself for a long time.
That year as a whole is kind of a blur, so I can not recall if it was before or after this happened that I ended up in the hospital myself. When I had given birth I had a type of hemorrhage called a retained placenta. Essentially the placenta crumbles in the uterus and causes you to bleed continually. I had surgery immediately after the birth for them to remove the remains and stop the bleeding. My mother says I almost died. In December I complained to my doctor that I was having a lot of issues with bleeding. It was discovered that they had missed some tiny piece of the placenta and I had been bleeding for the past 3 months. It's no wonder that I am now anemic.
When I moved away to school the following September I missed my daughter's first birthday. The girls I shared a residence with were using their freshman year as a freebie and partied constantly. My marks began to suffer greatly with me barely passing the majority of my courses. I began flipping between working my butt off and simply not caring. The next school year I had more focused room mates and changed my major to a subject I was inadvertently excelling at in comparison to my other classes. However, sometime that year, I started to suffer from insomnia and a lack of appetite. My one roommate saw the change and encouraged me to go see the school doctor so I could at least find a way to sleep.
The doctor posed a few follow up questions and I was soon diagnosed with depression. Not really postpartum depression, but a lot of the symptoms of that presume you are at home with your child so it is hard to say for sure. In addition, this was far outside the normal time frame for such a diagnosis. None the less, I was suffering from insomnia, lacking a will to attend class, (though I did my best at my room mates prodding), had very little appetite, and took no joy in the little girl who was growing up so quickly. These, among other symptoms, convinced the doctor to send me to the school psychiatrist. They also prescribed me paxil, an antidepressant.
Looks like I will have to continue this later.
FBM
Like Marilyn, we all have our ups and downs. As the story goes, she had a lot more downs. Myself, I had some not so nice experiences in my earlier years, but can also say for certain that I hit my lowest then and survived. Anyone who knows me and is about to read this post may find it rather shocking; maybe not. It is what it is, however, and I agree with the title post completely.
During my first pregnancy I dealt with a lot of terrible people. Some I have mentioned in earlier posts. The worst one I may never mention at all. Needless to say, I was not in the happiest of places when I had RD, which is not a great start to a situation where the brightest and happiest women are afflicted with postpartum depression. As I mentioned previously, I had RD in September and took a mere two weeks off school and three weeks off work. My Grandfather, who was ill at the time, was actually well enough to drive us home from the hospital. By December, however, his health had rapidly declined. My mother quietly informed us that he was suffering from cancer of the mouth.
I had been taking only two classes that semester and was home for lunch that day. My mother informed me that a lawyer was coming by to visit my Grandfather so that he could rewrite his will. Shortly before I was to leave for my afternoon class my Grandfather collapsed. I would never wish what happened next on anyone. My mother was calling for help from the next room so I placed my 3 month old daughter on the floor out of harms way. When I entered the room my Grandfather was falling to the floor and my mother was hysterical. She kept asking me what to do and calling out to her father. I told her to call 911 and attempted to revive him as best I could. I was told later that I apparently got his heart going again, but it just wasn't enough. He passed away that day, not from the cancer, but from a heart attack. I blamed myself for a long time.
That year as a whole is kind of a blur, so I can not recall if it was before or after this happened that I ended up in the hospital myself. When I had given birth I had a type of hemorrhage called a retained placenta. Essentially the placenta crumbles in the uterus and causes you to bleed continually. I had surgery immediately after the birth for them to remove the remains and stop the bleeding. My mother says I almost died. In December I complained to my doctor that I was having a lot of issues with bleeding. It was discovered that they had missed some tiny piece of the placenta and I had been bleeding for the past 3 months. It's no wonder that I am now anemic.
When I moved away to school the following September I missed my daughter's first birthday. The girls I shared a residence with were using their freshman year as a freebie and partied constantly. My marks began to suffer greatly with me barely passing the majority of my courses. I began flipping between working my butt off and simply not caring. The next school year I had more focused room mates and changed my major to a subject I was inadvertently excelling at in comparison to my other classes. However, sometime that year, I started to suffer from insomnia and a lack of appetite. My one roommate saw the change and encouraged me to go see the school doctor so I could at least find a way to sleep.
The doctor posed a few follow up questions and I was soon diagnosed with depression. Not really postpartum depression, but a lot of the symptoms of that presume you are at home with your child so it is hard to say for sure. In addition, this was far outside the normal time frame for such a diagnosis. None the less, I was suffering from insomnia, lacking a will to attend class, (though I did my best at my room mates prodding), had very little appetite, and took no joy in the little girl who was growing up so quickly. These, among other symptoms, convinced the doctor to send me to the school psychiatrist. They also prescribed me paxil, an antidepressant.
Looks like I will have to continue this later.
FBM
Monday 27 February 2012
"If a seed of a lettuce will not grow, we do not blame the lettuce. Instead, the fault lies with us for not having nourished the seed properly." - Buddhist proverb
http://edition.cnn.com/2011/09/06/living/teachers-want-to-tell-parents/index.html
I was led to the above link by a teacher friend of mine. First of all, before everyone gets their backs up, I must mention that I have many Good Teacher friends as well as family. Most of them do fantastic jobs and actually care a lot about the students and the content that they teach. My sister puts in excessive amounts of overtime to ensure that her lessons are not only relevant but engaging because she feels that to do anything less would be dishonourable to her profession and to the children in her class. I decided to write a response to this article because I feel it generalizes not only about parents, but teachers too.
There are many teachers who have joined the profession because they feel it will be an easy job with lots of vacation time. I know this because I have been told directly by some, have over heard others, and have been told so by the Good Teachers I know as well. I feel that these Bad Teachers become disgruntled when they suddenly realize that they are not only going to have to work but will also be held accountable for their teachings by their superiors and by parents.
I realize that the article being quoted is from CNN, an American based media, however it was forwarded on by a teacher friend in the UK and commented on by a teacher just around the corner in Canada. In Canada the public school board is funded by the residents through our taxes. Therefore, when we send our children to school the teachers essentially are our employees, being entrusted with the care and knowledge enrichment of our children. Should we not be questioning their methods? The content they choose outside of the required curriculum? The manner in which they choose to grade the students, while outlined by their superiors, is still under the graces of their opinion. Yes, they have been trained and are expected to be well versed in the subject they are teaching in order to pass a very educated opinion, but in many cases teachers are teaching a subject that they have no more education in than the student they are teaching. The worst part about this situation is that the students must depend on these classes to carry them through their post secondary education.
I say they depend on the classes because it is more than marks that they are dependent on. The grades they receive will, of course, determine if they are accepted into the post secondary institution they choose and the program they are seeking. If a teacher chooses to undervalue a student they could prevent them from legitimately getting into their academic field of choice. Likewise, if they overvalue, or give higher grades because they do not understand the course content, the student may get into a university classroom and be completely lost.
Clearly I value the power teachers have over a student's academic path. This does not even take into account the influence they have over students on a more personal level as children begin to look up to them. However, I do not think some teachers, the Bad Teachers, fully understand this, or perhaps they just don't care. I have contacted the school my daughter attends, both elementary and high school, to inquire about some poor marks. In most cases I received the attitude that is so strongly expressed in the article; I am a parent who is bothering them, causing issues, lacking trust, questioning them. They immediately have gotten on the defensive when, should they have entered the situation with an open mind, they would have found there was no need. We have been told time and again, as parents, that we should be more involved and that learning should not stop in the classroom. However, our attempts to do so are met with a sense of intrusion on something we apparently know nothing about. I believe, when it comes to our children, we do know a little something.
The one Good Teacher who responded in a positive manner to my inquiry helped my daughter achieve an amazing turn around in the class. As mentioned in the article, this change in grades was not to keep me off her back. We kept track of her tests, and given that it was a math class, she could not have skewed her marks. The Good Teacher called me at home and we discussed the issues my daughter was having in her class; she seemed to understand the content but was choking on tests, which were heavily weighted in the overall grade. She had always done well in math so we were both perplexed. We worked together to come up with some new study methods and my daughter was able to increase her mark by 20%!
The article says that parents need to accept that low grades are given by "Good Teachers" and that parents need to realize that this is what the student has earned. In some cases that may be so, but as a parent I am still going to question grades that are out of character for my daughter because those grades mean too much to her future. If there is someway that they can be improved in an honest manner than the teacher should be willing to work with the student and the parent to achieve that. Otherwise they are letting the student produce substandard work for their ability and cheating them out of the future they deserve.
All those teachers who are in it for the vacation time, the benefits and the easy short work day, QUIT! I have many friends who would be more than happy to take your job, who are sitting on the substitutes waiting list and busting their butts in interviews. They want to participate in the extracurricular activities, to produce engaging lessons, and to work with Good Parents to help children of all ages reach their potential. They care about the kids and the quality of their education; the rest is just icing on the cake.
FBM
I was led to the above link by a teacher friend of mine. First of all, before everyone gets their backs up, I must mention that I have many Good Teacher friends as well as family. Most of them do fantastic jobs and actually care a lot about the students and the content that they teach. My sister puts in excessive amounts of overtime to ensure that her lessons are not only relevant but engaging because she feels that to do anything less would be dishonourable to her profession and to the children in her class. I decided to write a response to this article because I feel it generalizes not only about parents, but teachers too.
There are many teachers who have joined the profession because they feel it will be an easy job with lots of vacation time. I know this because I have been told directly by some, have over heard others, and have been told so by the Good Teachers I know as well. I feel that these Bad Teachers become disgruntled when they suddenly realize that they are not only going to have to work but will also be held accountable for their teachings by their superiors and by parents.
I realize that the article being quoted is from CNN, an American based media, however it was forwarded on by a teacher friend in the UK and commented on by a teacher just around the corner in Canada. In Canada the public school board is funded by the residents through our taxes. Therefore, when we send our children to school the teachers essentially are our employees, being entrusted with the care and knowledge enrichment of our children. Should we not be questioning their methods? The content they choose outside of the required curriculum? The manner in which they choose to grade the students, while outlined by their superiors, is still under the graces of their opinion. Yes, they have been trained and are expected to be well versed in the subject they are teaching in order to pass a very educated opinion, but in many cases teachers are teaching a subject that they have no more education in than the student they are teaching. The worst part about this situation is that the students must depend on these classes to carry them through their post secondary education.
I say they depend on the classes because it is more than marks that they are dependent on. The grades they receive will, of course, determine if they are accepted into the post secondary institution they choose and the program they are seeking. If a teacher chooses to undervalue a student they could prevent them from legitimately getting into their academic field of choice. Likewise, if they overvalue, or give higher grades because they do not understand the course content, the student may get into a university classroom and be completely lost.
Clearly I value the power teachers have over a student's academic path. This does not even take into account the influence they have over students on a more personal level as children begin to look up to them. However, I do not think some teachers, the Bad Teachers, fully understand this, or perhaps they just don't care. I have contacted the school my daughter attends, both elementary and high school, to inquire about some poor marks. In most cases I received the attitude that is so strongly expressed in the article; I am a parent who is bothering them, causing issues, lacking trust, questioning them. They immediately have gotten on the defensive when, should they have entered the situation with an open mind, they would have found there was no need. We have been told time and again, as parents, that we should be more involved and that learning should not stop in the classroom. However, our attempts to do so are met with a sense of intrusion on something we apparently know nothing about. I believe, when it comes to our children, we do know a little something.
The one Good Teacher who responded in a positive manner to my inquiry helped my daughter achieve an amazing turn around in the class. As mentioned in the article, this change in grades was not to keep me off her back. We kept track of her tests, and given that it was a math class, she could not have skewed her marks. The Good Teacher called me at home and we discussed the issues my daughter was having in her class; she seemed to understand the content but was choking on tests, which were heavily weighted in the overall grade. She had always done well in math so we were both perplexed. We worked together to come up with some new study methods and my daughter was able to increase her mark by 20%!
The article says that parents need to accept that low grades are given by "Good Teachers" and that parents need to realize that this is what the student has earned. In some cases that may be so, but as a parent I am still going to question grades that are out of character for my daughter because those grades mean too much to her future. If there is someway that they can be improved in an honest manner than the teacher should be willing to work with the student and the parent to achieve that. Otherwise they are letting the student produce substandard work for their ability and cheating them out of the future they deserve.
All those teachers who are in it for the vacation time, the benefits and the easy short work day, QUIT! I have many friends who would be more than happy to take your job, who are sitting on the substitutes waiting list and busting their butts in interviews. They want to participate in the extracurricular activities, to produce engaging lessons, and to work with Good Parents to help children of all ages reach their potential. They care about the kids and the quality of their education; the rest is just icing on the cake.
FBM
Friday 24 February 2012
"Who said nights were for sleep?" - Marilyn Munroe
Once you get past that first month or so the sleeping situation does get better. It is still difficult to sleep, or anything else Marilyn may have been implying, but at least you are getting more of it in a less sporadic fashion. As the months progress the baby will start to fall into sleep patterns, both at night and during the day. Eventually you can begin sleep training your baby. The books say you should not attempt this before five months of age and really it might be necessary to wait a bit longer, given that a growth spurt hits around five months.
What is sleep training? For the laymen, like you and me, it essentially means starting to train the baby to sleep through the night, go to bed with out a bottle, be put to bed in a drowsy but awake state, or all of the above. Whatever issue you may be having with the sleeping habits of your child you will be working with them (training them) to adopt better habits. Now, hopefully, you have been instilling good habits from the beginning that will assist in making this process easier; a regular bed time routine, a regular bed time, a regular wake time, naps, comfortable sleeping area etc. Since I am not an expert on the many different methods I utilized the local library and borrowed a book on this subject. After sifting through the numerous suggested methods my husband and I settled on simply working with our son and the habits that he already had. This is TY journey to the land of Nod.
Around three months TY started sleeping through the night. I mean, he went down around 8 pm and did not get up again until around 8 the next morning. I thought I had won the jack pot. To think that he would be sleeping through the night from three months on was fabulous! Well, I thought wrong. This lasted a month or two and then he reverted back to waking a couple of times during the night wanting to eat again. At four months we were given permission from our doctor to start him on solids. Again, he started to sleep a bit better, but still awakened several times a night, which increased during growth spurts to every hour and a half.
I started working with him during nap times. I thought that, if I could get nap times down, it was just one more step to apply the same things to bed time. It was also easier to work with him during the day when I was awake and when no one else was home sleeping. First, if he awoke before his regular nap time was over and appeared grumpy (still sleepy) then I would not pick him up and would not change anything in the room. By this I mean that I did not turn off his "white noise", did not make conversation and did not turn on on any lights. Again, with it being day time, even with the curtains drawn there was still a little light in the room, which was easier than at night. I would simply gently pat his chest and say "shhhhhhh" if he was crying. I continued this until he fell back asleep.
Sounds easy, but it takes a lot of time, patience and consistency. I started giving him a limit (gradually extended) so that if he continued to cry without ceasing I would pick him up and revert back to regular snuggling to sleep. If, however, he showed signs of going to sleep such as not crying for a period of time, I would continue. Kind of like and IF statement - IF, THEN, ELSE, - if he does this, then I proceed in this way, otherwise (else) I do this. Gradually he started to get it and I could put him back to sleep within five minutes this way. Of course I needed to be keen to signs that he was hungry or needed changing as it is only right and fair to tend to these needs first.
As he got accustom to this we started to employ it at night and I moved on to another aspect during nap times. Through the same process I removed the swaddling as he needed it to go to sleep, but would wake himself during the night if he got out of it. I have also started training him to go to sleep on his own. The settling step helps a lot with this as it has already gotten him better at soothing himself. At nap time he now will stop playing and turn to me for cuddles. I pick him up and take him to his crib. Once I lay him down and give him his blanket (he is seven months now and blanket was also doctor approved) 8/10 times he will work to make himself comfortable and then go to sleep. I simply sit beside his crib, sometimes with my head down and eyes closed, so as not to engage him or make him think I want to play, and pat him a little if necessary. TY is adapting this at night time himself as I have heard him awake and put himself back to sleep. I can also put him down at night for bed this way. It has reduced the bedtime routine by about a half hour.
At present he still requires some white noise, we use a static radio station, to sleep. I think this will be one of the last things I remove as it takes no effort on anyone's part to have it in place. Gradually I may start lengthening the time between his last bottle and bed; probably just push it to before bath time instead. He still wakes at night, but usually only twice and because he is hungry and needs his diaper changed. Last night he only got up once. Overall I think he is doing well and will progress to an all night sleeper in the next couple months. Till then I will just have to keep my slippers by the bed and the night light in the hall.
Sweet Dreams!
FBM
What is sleep training? For the laymen, like you and me, it essentially means starting to train the baby to sleep through the night, go to bed with out a bottle, be put to bed in a drowsy but awake state, or all of the above. Whatever issue you may be having with the sleeping habits of your child you will be working with them (training them) to adopt better habits. Now, hopefully, you have been instilling good habits from the beginning that will assist in making this process easier; a regular bed time routine, a regular bed time, a regular wake time, naps, comfortable sleeping area etc. Since I am not an expert on the many different methods I utilized the local library and borrowed a book on this subject. After sifting through the numerous suggested methods my husband and I settled on simply working with our son and the habits that he already had. This is TY journey to the land of Nod.
Around three months TY started sleeping through the night. I mean, he went down around 8 pm and did not get up again until around 8 the next morning. I thought I had won the jack pot. To think that he would be sleeping through the night from three months on was fabulous! Well, I thought wrong. This lasted a month or two and then he reverted back to waking a couple of times during the night wanting to eat again. At four months we were given permission from our doctor to start him on solids. Again, he started to sleep a bit better, but still awakened several times a night, which increased during growth spurts to every hour and a half.
I started working with him during nap times. I thought that, if I could get nap times down, it was just one more step to apply the same things to bed time. It was also easier to work with him during the day when I was awake and when no one else was home sleeping. First, if he awoke before his regular nap time was over and appeared grumpy (still sleepy) then I would not pick him up and would not change anything in the room. By this I mean that I did not turn off his "white noise", did not make conversation and did not turn on on any lights. Again, with it being day time, even with the curtains drawn there was still a little light in the room, which was easier than at night. I would simply gently pat his chest and say "shhhhhhh" if he was crying. I continued this until he fell back asleep.
Sounds easy, but it takes a lot of time, patience and consistency. I started giving him a limit (gradually extended) so that if he continued to cry without ceasing I would pick him up and revert back to regular snuggling to sleep. If, however, he showed signs of going to sleep such as not crying for a period of time, I would continue. Kind of like and IF statement - IF, THEN, ELSE, - if he does this, then I proceed in this way, otherwise (else) I do this. Gradually he started to get it and I could put him back to sleep within five minutes this way. Of course I needed to be keen to signs that he was hungry or needed changing as it is only right and fair to tend to these needs first.
As he got accustom to this we started to employ it at night and I moved on to another aspect during nap times. Through the same process I removed the swaddling as he needed it to go to sleep, but would wake himself during the night if he got out of it. I have also started training him to go to sleep on his own. The settling step helps a lot with this as it has already gotten him better at soothing himself. At nap time he now will stop playing and turn to me for cuddles. I pick him up and take him to his crib. Once I lay him down and give him his blanket (he is seven months now and blanket was also doctor approved) 8/10 times he will work to make himself comfortable and then go to sleep. I simply sit beside his crib, sometimes with my head down and eyes closed, so as not to engage him or make him think I want to play, and pat him a little if necessary. TY is adapting this at night time himself as I have heard him awake and put himself back to sleep. I can also put him down at night for bed this way. It has reduced the bedtime routine by about a half hour.
At present he still requires some white noise, we use a static radio station, to sleep. I think this will be one of the last things I remove as it takes no effort on anyone's part to have it in place. Gradually I may start lengthening the time between his last bottle and bed; probably just push it to before bath time instead. He still wakes at night, but usually only twice and because he is hungry and needs his diaper changed. Last night he only got up once. Overall I think he is doing well and will progress to an all night sleeper in the next couple months. Till then I will just have to keep my slippers by the bed and the night light in the hall.
Sweet Dreams!
FBM
Wednesday 22 February 2012
To Sleep, Perchance to Dream...or Just Sleep Would be fine!!
Ah, sleep. The elusive pleasure that seems but a distant memory. From about the third trimester of pregnancy on you can expect to no longer sleep the same way as you did before; ever, ever again. I know that sounds pretty dismal, but unless your children have moved away from home and forgotten your phone number, a full nights sleep will be a rare occurrence from late pregnancy on.
When you hit the final trimester it can feel like a comfortable sleep is something that can just not be obtained. The baby is moving, kicking, sitting on your bladder, sitting on your spine, or all of the above in some interesting combination. You are now suppose to sleep only on your side. For me that was normal, but I suddenly was much more comfortable on my back. You may experience leg cramps, frequent trips to the bathroom or simply the inability to find sleep. I began to get over emotional due to the lack of sleep and started taking naps over the lunch hour. My husband, the wonderful man, would bring me home at lunch, make and pack me a lunch while I slept, and then wake me just in time to return to work. My theory is that this is preparing you for what I like to call the survival time period.
Doctors, friends, and mothers all love to talk about the labour and how horrible it will be. The intense pain and the extended amount of time a women has to endure labour and birth. These stories are very true, in most cases, but it must be emphasized that each labour, even for the same women, is different. That being said, the labour last hours, in worst cases a couple days. The survival time period that follows, however, lasts weeks!! This is the period when the baby is going through womb with drawl. If you think about it from their point of view, they have been in a nice dark, warm, secure small space for the past 9 months. Suddenly they are in this vast cold expanse, the one person they know (mom) is now...over there some where... and they are not receiving food as conveniently. It is no wonder a baby gets upset so easily, and they certainly can't be expected to know the difference between night and day. The only indication of that before was that mom was a little more sedentary at that time of the day.
What does this mean for you? The sleep pattern, that you have spent the last couple decades becoming accustom to, is now out the window. Baby wakes up every couple hours, needs food, clean diapers and then back to bed. We are told, as primary care givers, to sleep when the baby sleeps. Given that they sleep more hours out of the day than the average adult then we should have no sleep deprivation issues, right? For me it was not the quantity, but the quality and the inability to convince my body that sleeping at one in the afternoon was okay. There was also all the added chores that now needed to be done, like the additional laundry, that were preying on my mind. Finally, the mother instinct starts kicking in. You start sleeping with one ear open, waiting to hear the baby call so you can tend to them right away. You start changing diapers half asleep, nursing, and falling asleep in the chair only to wake to a stiff neck.
The survival time period is when you will need all those prepared meals that were made at your freezer party. This is the time to say "yes" to offers of assistance and that friend or family member who want to coo over the newborn for an hour or two while you get some shut eye. My doctor kept telling me that the most important thing was for me to take care of myself; seems strange because you would think the priority was the baby, but it makes sense when you think about it. Luckily I had my husband around for the first week. He took care of me, so I could take care of our son. It was hard to accept his help sometimes, and I often felt like a huge pain asking him for things, but he helped me make it through. Just not sure how he did!
FBM
When you hit the final trimester it can feel like a comfortable sleep is something that can just not be obtained. The baby is moving, kicking, sitting on your bladder, sitting on your spine, or all of the above in some interesting combination. You are now suppose to sleep only on your side. For me that was normal, but I suddenly was much more comfortable on my back. You may experience leg cramps, frequent trips to the bathroom or simply the inability to find sleep. I began to get over emotional due to the lack of sleep and started taking naps over the lunch hour. My husband, the wonderful man, would bring me home at lunch, make and pack me a lunch while I slept, and then wake me just in time to return to work. My theory is that this is preparing you for what I like to call the survival time period.
Doctors, friends, and mothers all love to talk about the labour and how horrible it will be. The intense pain and the extended amount of time a women has to endure labour and birth. These stories are very true, in most cases, but it must be emphasized that each labour, even for the same women, is different. That being said, the labour last hours, in worst cases a couple days. The survival time period that follows, however, lasts weeks!! This is the period when the baby is going through womb with drawl. If you think about it from their point of view, they have been in a nice dark, warm, secure small space for the past 9 months. Suddenly they are in this vast cold expanse, the one person they know (mom) is now...over there some where... and they are not receiving food as conveniently. It is no wonder a baby gets upset so easily, and they certainly can't be expected to know the difference between night and day. The only indication of that before was that mom was a little more sedentary at that time of the day.
What does this mean for you? The sleep pattern, that you have spent the last couple decades becoming accustom to, is now out the window. Baby wakes up every couple hours, needs food, clean diapers and then back to bed. We are told, as primary care givers, to sleep when the baby sleeps. Given that they sleep more hours out of the day than the average adult then we should have no sleep deprivation issues, right? For me it was not the quantity, but the quality and the inability to convince my body that sleeping at one in the afternoon was okay. There was also all the added chores that now needed to be done, like the additional laundry, that were preying on my mind. Finally, the mother instinct starts kicking in. You start sleeping with one ear open, waiting to hear the baby call so you can tend to them right away. You start changing diapers half asleep, nursing, and falling asleep in the chair only to wake to a stiff neck.
The survival time period is when you will need all those prepared meals that were made at your freezer party. This is the time to say "yes" to offers of assistance and that friend or family member who want to coo over the newborn for an hour or two while you get some shut eye. My doctor kept telling me that the most important thing was for me to take care of myself; seems strange because you would think the priority was the baby, but it makes sense when you think about it. Luckily I had my husband around for the first week. He took care of me, so I could take care of our son. It was hard to accept his help sometimes, and I often felt like a huge pain asking him for things, but he helped me make it through. Just not sure how he did!
FBM
Tuesday 21 February 2012
A little more baby time.
Upon reviewing my post from yesterday I noticed that it was quiet scattered as I tried to fit in information for this vast topic into one post. It also didn't help that I was trying to finish the post over several days and losing my train of thought each time I set it aside. Moving forward I will choose some subtopics in the field of Baby Talk and discuss each in separate, organized posts. I apologize for the lapse in my attempt to write in a somewhat comprehensive manner. (Blogging is harder than I thought!)
As I think this will be a short one this evening I will simply add a bit to my comments and tips for saving money. We touched on the many avenues for picking up the essential baby items that you might need for bringing baby home. With proactive thinking, such as the bulk buying mentioned earlier, you can save a lot of money as well. In preparation for my sons transition to solid foods, recommended to occur between 4 and 6 months, I contemplated purchasing a Baby Bullet. Luckily a friend of ours gave us one as a shower gift and we have used it quiet frequently since. I highly suggest putting this reasonably priced item on your shower registry if possible. The standard unit comes with two blades, one for milling and one for chop/blend/puree, the basic blender components as well as serving sized containers that can be dated. The benefit of the milling blade is that you can take rice or oatmeal and mill it to a powder, thus allowing you to make your own first cereals that are lump free. The other blade is for the regular blending of fruits, vegetables, meat etc as baby starts each new food. I use the portion size containers to standardize the amount of food I make for each meal, which lets me know how well my son is eating from one meal to the next. They are also very useful for travel. I fill one half way with dry rice cereal and can take it along to a restaurant for example and mix it at the table with his formula for a ready to serve lunch on the go.
I am not on some kick back list for this product, but am very grateful for having it. My husband and I had decided early on that we would make our own baby food. The math alone was enough to persuade us with little effort. A small baby jar (1 or 2 servings at best) will cost ~ .60 cents on sale. For arguments sake lets use a sweet potato for comparison, a common first food. One sweet potato can cost about .80 cents, but you will get 5 to 6 servings from it easily. That means to buy the same amount in the prepared form would cost about $1.80 on sale, which is more than twice the cost. I could give you many more examples but you can check it out yourself. You don't need to buy a Baby Bullet, but making your own baby food is very very inexpensive. In a Sunday afternoon I can make a 5 lb bag of apples into baby food; servings that last about a month. I simply freeze them in an ice cube tray and then pop them out into a freezer bag, labelled with item and date, and they are already in serving portions. Right now I have a freezer bag each of carrots, banana, apple, and butternut squash in the freezer that I take out and thaw as needed. They all mix well with oatmeal and rice cereal or as a side to some pureed chicken and potato.
Time for some shut eye while I debate what the next topic will be. Let me know if there is anything in particular you would like to have me weigh in on, otherwise I will just continue to blab about whatever I like. : D
Talk at you later!
FBM
As I think this will be a short one this evening I will simply add a bit to my comments and tips for saving money. We touched on the many avenues for picking up the essential baby items that you might need for bringing baby home. With proactive thinking, such as the bulk buying mentioned earlier, you can save a lot of money as well. In preparation for my sons transition to solid foods, recommended to occur between 4 and 6 months, I contemplated purchasing a Baby Bullet. Luckily a friend of ours gave us one as a shower gift and we have used it quiet frequently since. I highly suggest putting this reasonably priced item on your shower registry if possible. The standard unit comes with two blades, one for milling and one for chop/blend/puree, the basic blender components as well as serving sized containers that can be dated. The benefit of the milling blade is that you can take rice or oatmeal and mill it to a powder, thus allowing you to make your own first cereals that are lump free. The other blade is for the regular blending of fruits, vegetables, meat etc as baby starts each new food. I use the portion size containers to standardize the amount of food I make for each meal, which lets me know how well my son is eating from one meal to the next. They are also very useful for travel. I fill one half way with dry rice cereal and can take it along to a restaurant for example and mix it at the table with his formula for a ready to serve lunch on the go.
I am not on some kick back list for this product, but am very grateful for having it. My husband and I had decided early on that we would make our own baby food. The math alone was enough to persuade us with little effort. A small baby jar (1 or 2 servings at best) will cost ~ .60 cents on sale. For arguments sake lets use a sweet potato for comparison, a common first food. One sweet potato can cost about .80 cents, but you will get 5 to 6 servings from it easily. That means to buy the same amount in the prepared form would cost about $1.80 on sale, which is more than twice the cost. I could give you many more examples but you can check it out yourself. You don't need to buy a Baby Bullet, but making your own baby food is very very inexpensive. In a Sunday afternoon I can make a 5 lb bag of apples into baby food; servings that last about a month. I simply freeze them in an ice cube tray and then pop them out into a freezer bag, labelled with item and date, and they are already in serving portions. Right now I have a freezer bag each of carrots, banana, apple, and butternut squash in the freezer that I take out and thaw as needed. They all mix well with oatmeal and rice cereal or as a side to some pureed chicken and potato.
Time for some shut eye while I debate what the next topic will be. Let me know if there is anything in particular you would like to have me weigh in on, otherwise I will just continue to blab about whatever I like. : D
Talk at you later!
FBM
“The thing I want more than anything else? I want to have children...” ― Marilyn Monroe
On our second date my husband and I discussed children; if we both wanted them, how many and when. Many people find that shocking, but there is a lot about our relationship that people find out of the ordinary. While I will perhaps get into that in a later post, I would like to pass along little things I learned having my son. I know girls who are currently pregnant, trying to get pregnant, and planning to do so down the road, and as the first of our group to have children I want to pass on what I little I know in the hopes that it may prove useful to one of them, or you.
About two months after getting married my husband and I found out we were pregnant. This only occurred about one month earlier than planned. It was like, once we decided that we would start trying it happened instantaneously. Having been pregnant once before, but a long time ago, I had a general idea of what to expect but needed some refreshers. With RD morning sickness was more of a "I'm going to be sick" feeling with no follow through. With my son there was more actually being sick. I found that making sure I ate very regularly helped a lot. There was not much that I couldn't eat and, with my doctor's approval, nothing was off the table (except alcohol of course). I also made sure that I always had something to drink on hand, which helped keep some of the queasiness at bay. I am one of those people who usually know I am going to be sick with plenty of warning, but this pregnancy had me caught off guard a number of times. Since I was still working I kept a tooth brush, mouth wash and gum on hand at the office.
My husband and I reviewed many books and web sites telling us what we needed for the baby coming home from the hospital. We eventually got a list from our hospital as well regarding what supplies we needed to provided there too. Adding in previous experience we came up with our bear essentials list so that, after the shower, we knew what we needed and didn't get sucked in to all the "extra" stuff. Here are a few of the things we learned in the process:
- Sleepers - at least 2 newborn and the rest 0 to 3 months because if the baby is over 7 lbs newborn may not fit
- diapers - again, we bought a small pack of newborn and then a larger one of the first size up. IF you can find a sale where the diapers are around .19 - .17 cents each then stock up. We found, based on weight, that the #3 size will fit baby the longest in most cases.
- bum cream - basically vaseline or a zinc based ointment or cream for diapering. I use a cream with a low percentage of zinc (15%) for every diaper use (sensitive skin runs in the family) to help prevent rash and have a container of higher grade (40%) for when a rash starts to show up (later on I also use the higher grade for bedtime when my son is sleeping longer).
-wipes - buy the largest multi-pack you can find because you will need lots and they never change size :)
TIP: when changing a diaper, put the clean diaper underneath FIRST, then undo the dirty one. This lets you wipe their bum, move the dirty one out of the way, and apply bum cream without too many accidental messes and, with a boy, great efficiency.
- if nursing, a breast pump. This will not only come in useful if you get engorged, but also allow you to pump and let someone else feed the baby every once in a while.
I realize that there is talk about nipple confusion, but personal preference is to introduce the baby to a bottle early on. If, heaven forbid, you should end up in the hospital like I did, you may not be able to nurse. Having baby already familiar with the bottle makes a stressful time like that much easier on everyone. Also, if you are nursing, consider pumping and freezing some milk as back up for just such an emergency. Though not as serious, you could also get sick and require medication that would prevent you from nursing for a little while. Milk, if stored properly, can last several months in the freezer and can always be used later to add to babies first cereals.
- diaper pail is a must to keep odours under control. We were going to pick up a Diaper Genie but a friend recommended the Diaper Champ. Almost identical in theory to the Genie but you can use your own garbage bags. It's not available in Canadian stores but we picked ours up off Kijiji.
- check out the stores for pricing on the things you need to buy, but hold off on buying right away. After the shower re-asses you list and checkout re-use it resources. Mom to Mom sales happen semi annually in many communities; basically all the moms hold one big indoor garage sale of all things kid related. Places like Little Lables or Once Upon a Child not only sell but buy good used clothing and furniture (with strict quality and safety standards). Watch stores for clearance sales on seasonal items 1 year in advance. Again, there is Kijiji and Ebay, but buyer beware on safety items, especially recalls and expiry dates. Dollar store is great for little sorting baskets, bibs, and wall decals. Also talk to other moms you know; many are happy to pass on items they no longer need or will lend them to you until they need them again (make sure you know if they want things returned so you can prevent passing them on by mistake). Also, make sure you sign up for Welcome Wagon if you community has one. They will provide tons of local vendor coupons and discounts for baby and you.
I saw one site that estimated first year cost for a baby to be ~ $10,000; one time costs about $3,000 (eg. furniture) and the balance in ongoing (eg. diapers). My husband and I spent ~ $900 on one time items which includes the crib (mattress & bedding), high chair, swing, stroller and matching car seat, change table, gliding rocker and foot stool, exercise saucer (Baby Einstein), clothing etc. Check out BabyCenter.com - great resources.
One last thought for this post; even if your family hosts a shower, see if friends and family will get together for a freezer party. About a month before hand, get everyone together for a Saturday of cooking and stock up the freezer while pampering the (very tired) mom to be. The first three weeks after baby is born are referred to as survival time, and the heat and serve meals will be a God Send. Make sure they are portioned to accommodate a the number of people in you family and take as little prep as possible. That way you can throw something in the oven, set the timer (or better yet the auto shut off) and forget it. When you have had no sleep for days it is a wonder what a good meal can do to boost energy and moral!
FBM
About two months after getting married my husband and I found out we were pregnant. This only occurred about one month earlier than planned. It was like, once we decided that we would start trying it happened instantaneously. Having been pregnant once before, but a long time ago, I had a general idea of what to expect but needed some refreshers. With RD morning sickness was more of a "I'm going to be sick" feeling with no follow through. With my son there was more actually being sick. I found that making sure I ate very regularly helped a lot. There was not much that I couldn't eat and, with my doctor's approval, nothing was off the table (except alcohol of course). I also made sure that I always had something to drink on hand, which helped keep some of the queasiness at bay. I am one of those people who usually know I am going to be sick with plenty of warning, but this pregnancy had me caught off guard a number of times. Since I was still working I kept a tooth brush, mouth wash and gum on hand at the office.
My husband and I reviewed many books and web sites telling us what we needed for the baby coming home from the hospital. We eventually got a list from our hospital as well regarding what supplies we needed to provided there too. Adding in previous experience we came up with our bear essentials list so that, after the shower, we knew what we needed and didn't get sucked in to all the "extra" stuff. Here are a few of the things we learned in the process:
- Sleepers - at least 2 newborn and the rest 0 to 3 months because if the baby is over 7 lbs newborn may not fit
- diapers - again, we bought a small pack of newborn and then a larger one of the first size up. IF you can find a sale where the diapers are around .19 - .17 cents each then stock up. We found, based on weight, that the #3 size will fit baby the longest in most cases.
- bum cream - basically vaseline or a zinc based ointment or cream for diapering. I use a cream with a low percentage of zinc (15%) for every diaper use (sensitive skin runs in the family) to help prevent rash and have a container of higher grade (40%) for when a rash starts to show up (later on I also use the higher grade for bedtime when my son is sleeping longer).
-wipes - buy the largest multi-pack you can find because you will need lots and they never change size :)
TIP: when changing a diaper, put the clean diaper underneath FIRST, then undo the dirty one. This lets you wipe their bum, move the dirty one out of the way, and apply bum cream without too many accidental messes and, with a boy, great efficiency.
- if nursing, a breast pump. This will not only come in useful if you get engorged, but also allow you to pump and let someone else feed the baby every once in a while.
I realize that there is talk about nipple confusion, but personal preference is to introduce the baby to a bottle early on. If, heaven forbid, you should end up in the hospital like I did, you may not be able to nurse. Having baby already familiar with the bottle makes a stressful time like that much easier on everyone. Also, if you are nursing, consider pumping and freezing some milk as back up for just such an emergency. Though not as serious, you could also get sick and require medication that would prevent you from nursing for a little while. Milk, if stored properly, can last several months in the freezer and can always be used later to add to babies first cereals.
- diaper pail is a must to keep odours under control. We were going to pick up a Diaper Genie but a friend recommended the Diaper Champ. Almost identical in theory to the Genie but you can use your own garbage bags. It's not available in Canadian stores but we picked ours up off Kijiji.
- check out the stores for pricing on the things you need to buy, but hold off on buying right away. After the shower re-asses you list and checkout re-use it resources. Mom to Mom sales happen semi annually in many communities; basically all the moms hold one big indoor garage sale of all things kid related. Places like Little Lables or Once Upon a Child not only sell but buy good used clothing and furniture (with strict quality and safety standards). Watch stores for clearance sales on seasonal items 1 year in advance. Again, there is Kijiji and Ebay, but buyer beware on safety items, especially recalls and expiry dates. Dollar store is great for little sorting baskets, bibs, and wall decals. Also talk to other moms you know; many are happy to pass on items they no longer need or will lend them to you until they need them again (make sure you know if they want things returned so you can prevent passing them on by mistake). Also, make sure you sign up for Welcome Wagon if you community has one. They will provide tons of local vendor coupons and discounts for baby and you.
I saw one site that estimated first year cost for a baby to be ~ $10,000; one time costs about $3,000 (eg. furniture) and the balance in ongoing (eg. diapers). My husband and I spent ~ $900 on one time items which includes the crib (mattress & bedding), high chair, swing, stroller and matching car seat, change table, gliding rocker and foot stool, exercise saucer (Baby Einstein), clothing etc. Check out BabyCenter.com - great resources.
One last thought for this post; even if your family hosts a shower, see if friends and family will get together for a freezer party. About a month before hand, get everyone together for a Saturday of cooking and stock up the freezer while pampering the (very tired) mom to be. The first three weeks after baby is born are referred to as survival time, and the heat and serve meals will be a God Send. Make sure they are portioned to accommodate a the number of people in you family and take as little prep as possible. That way you can throw something in the oven, set the timer (or better yet the auto shut off) and forget it. When you have had no sleep for days it is a wonder what a good meal can do to boost energy and moral!
FBM
Friday 17 February 2012
“I believe that everything happens for a reason... Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right.” ― Marilyn Monroe
Alright, I'm on a MM quote kick. I kind of like linking her quotes to my posts, if I can find one relevant enough. We will see how long it lasts.
Since the last couple posts could leave many people thinking I am a guy basher, or simply cynical, I thought I would write a little about the good guys I've come across in my life. In my typical organizational fashion I think it best we work chronologically. First, of course, would be my father. He is a broad, not fat, tall man of over 6 feet with a very gentle face and demeanour, despite his strong presence. He very rarely yelled at us as children, and while he can be loud it is usually in a boisterous manner or because he is singing at church. He worked a lot for not a lot of pay, but made sure we were all taken care of. We didn't get to spend a lot of time with him as children because his weekends were filled with maintenance around the home. I learned to go find him and sit a talk to him while he worked. As I got older he let me help him a little. Since he did his best to do all the house hold repairs himself, I actually learned a lot that way. Taught me that books are wonderful resources, libraries have lots of free books, and it costs less and you learn more by doing something yourself than to pay someone to do it for you.
The next really great guy I knew, and still know, was my best friend from high school. It was only in retrospect that I realized what a good loyal friend he was, which just goes to show that you never really appreciate what you have. We hung out with the gang at lunch time, had similar classes, did homework together, went to the same parties, regular high school type stuff. When ever the other kids were giving me a hard time he was there to talk to and the few times I had to deal with a break up he would console me. I think he was really hurt when he found out I was pregnant and wondered why I hadn't gone to him when I the relationship went really bad. He was the one person I found it hardest to tell, aside from my family. As a true blue friend he offered to take his older (and very large) brother and teach the guy a lesson or two. He claimed it would make us both feel better, but I never consented. I think it was after we graduated that I found out he had a crush on me all through high school. He wondered how I never knew considering he would always call me about homework but never have it done the next day. As an objective reader I am sure it seems kind of obvious to you as well but I was quiet oblivious. I just didn't like him that way; once I thought I did, but I quickly realized it was just wishful thinking. It is true that you can't change the way you feel, which made it easier to understand when I was on the other end of the equation later on.
In university I tended to hang out with the guys more often than the girls, probably after being jaded by the way girls acted in high school. The ones that I could consider friends were more direct and honest about things. Twice in university I found myself at the other end of that terrible equation where I liked a guy who really, truly just wanted to be friends. There were also the guys who worked at the bar with me. I was a little intimidated by the big bouncer guys at first but quickly found most of them to be teddy bears at heart. The second year I worked there I became assistance manager, which meant a lot more responsibility and authority. I often had to kick drunk people out of the bar, people you might see the next day in class, and really appreciated the support those guys gave me. Often I would see them in the back ground just watching in case I needed a little muscle backup.
It may not seem like it from the outside, but a job like that can be dangerous. If you don't have the support of the bouncers they could leave you hanging out to dry in a bad situation or simply not respect your authority. I recall vividly the first pub event my boss let me handle alone. It was being sponsored by the student union who had arranged for a WWF style wrestling event in the pub. I even think Honky Tonk Man was there. Anyway, they had this huge ring set up in the middle of the pub and the wrestlers would come out of the back, like on t.v., and get the crowd all riled up depending on if they were intended to be the good guy or the bad guy. This one wrestler came out and started harassing the crowd and really seemed to be getting in this one guys face. As I stood there horrified, the patron on the far side of the ring from me stood up and took a swing at the wrestler...THE WRESTLER! None of the door men moved. All I could think was "oh shit!" and started running over there...yes...think about that one...I was running over to break up a fight between a wrestler and a guy who thought he could take on a wrestler. Luckily Blaine, the bouncer on the far side of the ring, saw me bolt and, afterwords, told me he thought "oh shit" and ran too catapulting himself over a couple guys and getting the shocked wrestler in a head lock. Once Blaine had moved the other bouncers took off too. By the time I was there I simply needed to take care of crowd control, thank god, because I don't know what I would have done. After the night was over the bouncers all told me they thought it was part of the show until I bolted. Their quick moves stopped the fight from turning into a brawl because friends on both sides were ready to jump in. In any supervising job I've had I have worked with the motto "never ask someone to do something you are not willing to do yourself". I think people see that and it gains respect for you, your authority and your leadership. If those guys hadn't respected me, I'd probably... well who knows what would have happened.
The final good guy, or I should say the best guy, is of course my husband. I will leave the story about him for later because I think he deserves a post all his own. It is true, however, that all the good guys and bad guys I met before my husband made me realize quickly that I had found not only a great guy, but The Guy.
FBM
Since the last couple posts could leave many people thinking I am a guy basher, or simply cynical, I thought I would write a little about the good guys I've come across in my life. In my typical organizational fashion I think it best we work chronologically. First, of course, would be my father. He is a broad, not fat, tall man of over 6 feet with a very gentle face and demeanour, despite his strong presence. He very rarely yelled at us as children, and while he can be loud it is usually in a boisterous manner or because he is singing at church. He worked a lot for not a lot of pay, but made sure we were all taken care of. We didn't get to spend a lot of time with him as children because his weekends were filled with maintenance around the home. I learned to go find him and sit a talk to him while he worked. As I got older he let me help him a little. Since he did his best to do all the house hold repairs himself, I actually learned a lot that way. Taught me that books are wonderful resources, libraries have lots of free books, and it costs less and you learn more by doing something yourself than to pay someone to do it for you.
The next really great guy I knew, and still know, was my best friend from high school. It was only in retrospect that I realized what a good loyal friend he was, which just goes to show that you never really appreciate what you have. We hung out with the gang at lunch time, had similar classes, did homework together, went to the same parties, regular high school type stuff. When ever the other kids were giving me a hard time he was there to talk to and the few times I had to deal with a break up he would console me. I think he was really hurt when he found out I was pregnant and wondered why I hadn't gone to him when I the relationship went really bad. He was the one person I found it hardest to tell, aside from my family. As a true blue friend he offered to take his older (and very large) brother and teach the guy a lesson or two. He claimed it would make us both feel better, but I never consented. I think it was after we graduated that I found out he had a crush on me all through high school. He wondered how I never knew considering he would always call me about homework but never have it done the next day. As an objective reader I am sure it seems kind of obvious to you as well but I was quiet oblivious. I just didn't like him that way; once I thought I did, but I quickly realized it was just wishful thinking. It is true that you can't change the way you feel, which made it easier to understand when I was on the other end of the equation later on.
In university I tended to hang out with the guys more often than the girls, probably after being jaded by the way girls acted in high school. The ones that I could consider friends were more direct and honest about things. Twice in university I found myself at the other end of that terrible equation where I liked a guy who really, truly just wanted to be friends. There were also the guys who worked at the bar with me. I was a little intimidated by the big bouncer guys at first but quickly found most of them to be teddy bears at heart. The second year I worked there I became assistance manager, which meant a lot more responsibility and authority. I often had to kick drunk people out of the bar, people you might see the next day in class, and really appreciated the support those guys gave me. Often I would see them in the back ground just watching in case I needed a little muscle backup.
It may not seem like it from the outside, but a job like that can be dangerous. If you don't have the support of the bouncers they could leave you hanging out to dry in a bad situation or simply not respect your authority. I recall vividly the first pub event my boss let me handle alone. It was being sponsored by the student union who had arranged for a WWF style wrestling event in the pub. I even think Honky Tonk Man was there. Anyway, they had this huge ring set up in the middle of the pub and the wrestlers would come out of the back, like on t.v., and get the crowd all riled up depending on if they were intended to be the good guy or the bad guy. This one wrestler came out and started harassing the crowd and really seemed to be getting in this one guys face. As I stood there horrified, the patron on the far side of the ring from me stood up and took a swing at the wrestler...THE WRESTLER! None of the door men moved. All I could think was "oh shit!" and started running over there...yes...think about that one...I was running over to break up a fight between a wrestler and a guy who thought he could take on a wrestler. Luckily Blaine, the bouncer on the far side of the ring, saw me bolt and, afterwords, told me he thought "oh shit" and ran too catapulting himself over a couple guys and getting the shocked wrestler in a head lock. Once Blaine had moved the other bouncers took off too. By the time I was there I simply needed to take care of crowd control, thank god, because I don't know what I would have done. After the night was over the bouncers all told me they thought it was part of the show until I bolted. Their quick moves stopped the fight from turning into a brawl because friends on both sides were ready to jump in. In any supervising job I've had I have worked with the motto "never ask someone to do something you are not willing to do yourself". I think people see that and it gains respect for you, your authority and your leadership. If those guys hadn't respected me, I'd probably... well who knows what would have happened.
The final good guy, or I should say the best guy, is of course my husband. I will leave the story about him for later because I think he deserves a post all his own. It is true, however, that all the good guys and bad guys I met before my husband made me realize quickly that I had found not only a great guy, but The Guy.
FBM
Thursday 16 February 2012
"All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same.” ― Marilyn Monroe
My son, who is only six months old, was watching two six year old girls in a near by booth at the restaurant the other day. He was sitting in his high chair eating lunch but kept glancing their way as he saw them playing. As he was finishing up I suddenly hear a little voice near me say "Can we meet your baby?" and look up to see the two little girls standing there. TY promptly pushed away his bottle and let them have a great big smile.
While I do not believe my son is a player (or will ever be) he certainly knows how to attract the ladies, even at his young age. There are always those young adorable little boys that the young girls seem to flock to and adults find so cute. Sometimes these boys receive far too much attention and once they get a little older their egos seem to grow right along with them. I knew far too many of these boys when I was young. They all had friends too, none of which were very nice. One such boy actually thought it would be funny to feign interest in me and passed me a note one day asking me out. In the note he told me that I should call him that night at home so we could talk. This was in elementary school of course and due to the small class I understood that, even if any boy liked me, he would be committing social suicide to admit to it; especially on paper. I thought I'd be smart and call him to tell him off. I even told another girl what I planned to do. Alas, he was at a hockey game and found out I called, assuming I had fallen prey to his joke. The tormenting lasted what seemed like forever. When I looked for support from the one person who knew I was wise to them, she claimed I had said no such thing, clearly gaining more approval from her lie than popularity from the truth.
That is how girls can be though; conniving, and deceitful at times, as I found out over the years. Boys are better than girls in at least that one facet. Boys are straight up when they don't like you or are mad at you. A boy will tell you to your face that you are being a jerk, maybe punch you for it, and move on as friends. Girls, not so much. There has only been one instance that I almost punched a girl. I don't know why she hated me so much, but she acted like a friend until I found out the things she had done behind my back.
In high school I mentioned to having three boyfriends. It turned out that one of them was fake. No, I did not imagine him, make him up, or be mistaken about him being my boyfriend. Okay, the last one is true. You see, that girl I mentioned apparently did not trust her boyfriend and thought he was going to leave her to go out with me. I would somehow go along with this? She enlisted a friend of hers from another school, who she knew that I liked, to ask me out and date me until she was secure with her boyfriend again. Then he broke up with me. I don't think any of the people involved in that mess ended up together. If she had talked to me directly she would have discovered that I never liked her boyfriend in the first place so all that deceit was for nothing.
Unfortunately, this same girl took it upon herself to be my publicity committee when she found out, from the father, that I was pregnant. Needless to say she conveniently did so well before I was ready to tell anyone. Thank goodness I had a few good friends who told her where to go when she approached them. Sad thing is that many close friends were also lost because they didn't like hearing such news through the grapevine and felt betrayed by me not telling them myself. As time went by I was able to patch up things with these people but we were never as close as we were before hand. I never talked to that girl again.
It is funny how fast people mature at university. I suppose it has something to do with living on your own and having more responsibilities. I think many girls mature faster than boys (not all, but many). As I said, I dated more in university and really got to know what kind of guy I was looking for. In my freshman year guys seemed big on the pickup lines. My favourite was when this guy approached me in chemistry lab and commented that he had seen me on a magazine cover, hadn't he?
I worked at the campus pub for the last two years of school and got to know the groupers (see last post) from a long way off. I came in early before my shift one day to grab a bite and this guy I had seen around campus came and sat beside me. Started suspiciously chatting me up. Nice weather we are having, eh? Am I enjoying my classes? Am I finding my way around campus alright? Around campus? This last one took me back and I stopped for a second. "I would hope so since I have been here for three years." He took a quick look at me, got up and left. Just as I thought, a frosh chaser. One of those lovely guys who prey on the unknowing freshmen. Be a nice guy, show them around, no intentions, right? It is such a high school gag and so grouper.
FBM
While I do not believe my son is a player (or will ever be) he certainly knows how to attract the ladies, even at his young age. There are always those young adorable little boys that the young girls seem to flock to and adults find so cute. Sometimes these boys receive far too much attention and once they get a little older their egos seem to grow right along with them. I knew far too many of these boys when I was young. They all had friends too, none of which were very nice. One such boy actually thought it would be funny to feign interest in me and passed me a note one day asking me out. In the note he told me that I should call him that night at home so we could talk. This was in elementary school of course and due to the small class I understood that, even if any boy liked me, he would be committing social suicide to admit to it; especially on paper. I thought I'd be smart and call him to tell him off. I even told another girl what I planned to do. Alas, he was at a hockey game and found out I called, assuming I had fallen prey to his joke. The tormenting lasted what seemed like forever. When I looked for support from the one person who knew I was wise to them, she claimed I had said no such thing, clearly gaining more approval from her lie than popularity from the truth.
That is how girls can be though; conniving, and deceitful at times, as I found out over the years. Boys are better than girls in at least that one facet. Boys are straight up when they don't like you or are mad at you. A boy will tell you to your face that you are being a jerk, maybe punch you for it, and move on as friends. Girls, not so much. There has only been one instance that I almost punched a girl. I don't know why she hated me so much, but she acted like a friend until I found out the things she had done behind my back.
In high school I mentioned to having three boyfriends. It turned out that one of them was fake. No, I did not imagine him, make him up, or be mistaken about him being my boyfriend. Okay, the last one is true. You see, that girl I mentioned apparently did not trust her boyfriend and thought he was going to leave her to go out with me. I would somehow go along with this? She enlisted a friend of hers from another school, who she knew that I liked, to ask me out and date me until she was secure with her boyfriend again. Then he broke up with me. I don't think any of the people involved in that mess ended up together. If she had talked to me directly she would have discovered that I never liked her boyfriend in the first place so all that deceit was for nothing.
Unfortunately, this same girl took it upon herself to be my publicity committee when she found out, from the father, that I was pregnant. Needless to say she conveniently did so well before I was ready to tell anyone. Thank goodness I had a few good friends who told her where to go when she approached them. Sad thing is that many close friends were also lost because they didn't like hearing such news through the grapevine and felt betrayed by me not telling them myself. As time went by I was able to patch up things with these people but we were never as close as we were before hand. I never talked to that girl again.
It is funny how fast people mature at university. I suppose it has something to do with living on your own and having more responsibilities. I think many girls mature faster than boys (not all, but many). As I said, I dated more in university and really got to know what kind of guy I was looking for. In my freshman year guys seemed big on the pickup lines. My favourite was when this guy approached me in chemistry lab and commented that he had seen me on a magazine cover, hadn't he?
I worked at the campus pub for the last two years of school and got to know the groupers (see last post) from a long way off. I came in early before my shift one day to grab a bite and this guy I had seen around campus came and sat beside me. Started suspiciously chatting me up. Nice weather we are having, eh? Am I enjoying my classes? Am I finding my way around campus alright? Around campus? This last one took me back and I stopped for a second. "I would hope so since I have been here for three years." He took a quick look at me, got up and left. Just as I thought, a frosh chaser. One of those lovely guys who prey on the unknowing freshmen. Be a nice guy, show them around, no intentions, right? It is such a high school gag and so grouper.
FBM
POF or Just a Whole Lot of Grouper?
Before you meet my son, I think I'll take a break from the mommy talk and write about something different.
This morning I came to find out that my husband of a year and a half was still on Plenty of Fish. I was shocked to say the least and quipped "When you told me I was your prettiest wife I thought you were trying to make me feel better about a bad hair day, not make a confession!".
Truth is we both laughed, though he does often tell me I am his smartest wife, or his prettiest wife, or some other similar compliment. (I usually just tell him I feel bad for his other wives then.) The discovery made me think about past relationships though. Between my siblings, in-laws and my husband I often feel like a bit of a tart, to put it kindly, in comparison. My brother and sister both married the second person they ever dated. My in-law siblings are of the opinion that you don't even hold hands until you think the relationship is long term (a sentiment I find very endearing in the best sense of the word). Even my husband says I am only his second girlfriend, which is why we talk little of our past relationships.
When it comes to my romantic history there is a bit more to tell and a few interesting stories with that. I asked my husband once if he was ever curious about my previous beaus and he said he was satisfied simply that I chose him in the end; with heart felt statements like that I wonder why. Well, while I wont go into gory details, my husband will surely hear some new stories should he read this.
I had my first boyfriend in grade nine at the age of fourteen. While there were some teens already sexually active at that point, I was still at the stage of giggling and passing notes. He didn't attend my school and in fact non of the boys I dated in high school did. The fact is that I was pretty much a social outcast in elementary school; rarely invited to girls parties and made fun of by the boys. With a class size was no larger than twenty kids that makes you an outcast and prey to many mean jokes. Majority of these kids continued on to the same high school as me and, since the teens from other schools didn't know me, the segregation continued when it came to the opposite sex. I only dated three boys in all of high school, ending of course with RD's father (a term I use rather loosely).
When I moved away to university things changed a little. I was in a new dating world, and a bigger pond if you will, where no one had any immature predetermined opinions about me. At the same time I was trying to find a guy who would contradict my predisposition that all men (let's face it...boys) were groupers. A grouper is a type of bottom dwelling fish. While the name is coincidentally similar to the word "groper", another distasteful member of the male species, I feel the grouper better defines the type of scheming guys I often encountered. By definition a grouper is "typically having a stout body and a large mouth (and) are not built for long-distance... swimming...They swallow prey rather than biting pieces off it. They do not have many teeth on the edges of their jaws, but they have heavy crushing tooth plates inside the pharynx... They lie in wait, rather than chasing in open water...their mouth and gills form a powerful sucking system that sucks their prey in from a distance..." Sound familiar to any of you ladies?
I don't know how many guys "sucked me in" and led me to believe they were either of good intentions, or at the very least interested in more than just a physical relationship. Few made it past the "oh, by the way I have a child" test. One of my good guy friends (one of those good ones that just didn't "like me that way") asked me why I told them up front about RD and claimed I was trying to scare them off. I told him that if they were really interested in me it wouldn't scare them off and that I would rather be upfront than waste my time. I went out on a few dates, often resulting in the guy thinking he was owed something by the end of the evening; funny what they think a couple drinks is worth. I had my share of the more sustaining relationships, but those all followed the same pattern; loving and devoted, comfortable and optimistic, takes you for granted but still optimistic, MIA.
Going to have put a "to be continued" right there. Little one is up and we are off to the pool today.
Maybe later I can post some dating anecdotes.
Talk at you later!
FBM
This morning I came to find out that my husband of a year and a half was still on Plenty of Fish. I was shocked to say the least and quipped "When you told me I was your prettiest wife I thought you were trying to make me feel better about a bad hair day, not make a confession!".
Truth is we both laughed, though he does often tell me I am his smartest wife, or his prettiest wife, or some other similar compliment. (I usually just tell him I feel bad for his other wives then.) The discovery made me think about past relationships though. Between my siblings, in-laws and my husband I often feel like a bit of a tart, to put it kindly, in comparison. My brother and sister both married the second person they ever dated. My in-law siblings are of the opinion that you don't even hold hands until you think the relationship is long term (a sentiment I find very endearing in the best sense of the word). Even my husband says I am only his second girlfriend, which is why we talk little of our past relationships.
When it comes to my romantic history there is a bit more to tell and a few interesting stories with that. I asked my husband once if he was ever curious about my previous beaus and he said he was satisfied simply that I chose him in the end; with heart felt statements like that I wonder why. Well, while I wont go into gory details, my husband will surely hear some new stories should he read this.
I had my first boyfriend in grade nine at the age of fourteen. While there were some teens already sexually active at that point, I was still at the stage of giggling and passing notes. He didn't attend my school and in fact non of the boys I dated in high school did. The fact is that I was pretty much a social outcast in elementary school; rarely invited to girls parties and made fun of by the boys. With a class size was no larger than twenty kids that makes you an outcast and prey to many mean jokes. Majority of these kids continued on to the same high school as me and, since the teens from other schools didn't know me, the segregation continued when it came to the opposite sex. I only dated three boys in all of high school, ending of course with RD's father (a term I use rather loosely).
When I moved away to university things changed a little. I was in a new dating world, and a bigger pond if you will, where no one had any immature predetermined opinions about me. At the same time I was trying to find a guy who would contradict my predisposition that all men (let's face it...boys) were groupers. A grouper is a type of bottom dwelling fish. While the name is coincidentally similar to the word "groper", another distasteful member of the male species, I feel the grouper better defines the type of scheming guys I often encountered. By definition a grouper is "typically having a stout body and a large mouth (and) are not built for long-distance... swimming...They swallow prey rather than biting pieces off it. They do not have many teeth on the edges of their jaws, but they have heavy crushing tooth plates inside the pharynx... They lie in wait, rather than chasing in open water...their mouth and gills form a powerful sucking system that sucks their prey in from a distance..." Sound familiar to any of you ladies?
I don't know how many guys "sucked me in" and led me to believe they were either of good intentions, or at the very least interested in more than just a physical relationship. Few made it past the "oh, by the way I have a child" test. One of my good guy friends (one of those good ones that just didn't "like me that way") asked me why I told them up front about RD and claimed I was trying to scare them off. I told him that if they were really interested in me it wouldn't scare them off and that I would rather be upfront than waste my time. I went out on a few dates, often resulting in the guy thinking he was owed something by the end of the evening; funny what they think a couple drinks is worth. I had my share of the more sustaining relationships, but those all followed the same pattern; loving and devoted, comfortable and optimistic, takes you for granted but still optimistic, MIA.
Going to have put a "to be continued" right there. Little one is up and we are off to the pool today.
Maybe later I can post some dating anecdotes.
Talk at you later!
FBM
Tuesday 14 February 2012
In April of 2002 I graduated from university with a BA in English. I know, you were wondering why the reading list on the left was so heavily weighted in the Victorian Genre. It's true, not everyone will read that much Dicken's voluntarily but I do happen to enjoy his novels. Truth be told that reading list would be much longer if I didn't end up reading books like Jane Eyre four or five times. (tangent over)
By May I had taken what I believed to be a temporary job as a secretary and was saving for RD and I to get a place of our own. Within the year, however, there were several other semi-adults living under the same roof and we had to move out. It was difficult with RD starting school, paying the bills and working long hours to make up for all the lost time. I did the best I could in the most economical ways possible.
After a year in an apartment the logical side of me was getting tired of paying someone elses mortgage. I crunched the numbers and determined that if I bought a house where I worked I could just scrape by. (Also, if anything happened to my car and I couldn't afford to get it fixed I could still walk to work.) Soon I was the non-sterotypical single mom; own car, own home and a full time job. There is no way I could have done any of it had I not learned how to scrimp and save from my mom. She raised a large family on my father's meager income (I am told less than $40 grand a year at it's height).
I kept a very strict budget and watched it constantly. In some ways my obsessive tendencies paid off in this area. Any utility that had an equal payment plan I got on it and watched to ensure we kept the running total in check. I took advantage of government incentive programs and made our tiny bungalow house as efficient as possible, knowing that anything paid out for improvements would be won back ten fold in savings. I had purchased a small chest freezer and took advantage of bulk sized food purchases. Like my mother, I simply separated items into meal sized quantities and froze them to avoid spoiling and waste. I stayed at work and ate leftovers for lunches. Attempted some inventive reciepes and anything RD didn't like became my meals for the week. Clothing was purchased mostly at a local Good Will, with a few new items purchased at Christmas only. I conserved energy by simple things like opening curtains on a sunny winter day allowing the house to warm up while at work. I actually was able to warm the house two degrees higher then the thermostat preventing the furnace from kicking in until after dinner time that night. Of course the reverse was used in the summer, which was a God send considering we did not have an airconditioner. I also had a programmable thermostat installed so that I could ensure the furnace was not running needlessly with no one in the house.
Our yard was not off limits to my conservative agenda. Luckily the previous owners of our home had planted perennial gardens around the yard so there was no need to purchase flowers annually. I installed a rain barrel which we used to water the gardens as needed in the summer. We also used this water to wash the car. In the winter it was the good old hand shovel to clear the drive way. I was blessed, however, to have some very kind naighbours who would snow blow the driveway if I started to loose the battle. Many days I thanked God when I arrived home to a plowed driveway. RD and I got in the habit of making cookies and home made chocolates every Christmas and taking little packages to our naighbours as tokens of gratitude for such favours.
Vacations, when possible, consisted of camping only. Provincial campground, no electrical sites were the cheapest. Once the basic tent and sleeping gear was purchased there were no further expenses than if we were at home. Any local festivals, free movie nights, double up coupons for local restaurants, and near by trails and beaches encompassed our activity schedule year round. I think these things made our free time together more enjoyable and memorable. I was never concerned about what it was costing us but more so if she was having fun. Even now RD still asks to go camping and likes to bring her friends along to experience it as well.
Clearly RD endured a lot and went without a lot, but she was still young enough to only fuss a little. The temporary job turned into a five year employment. I was asked to take on the accounting side of the business, something I think I have an aptitude for, even if my education does not support it. At the end of the five years it was a difference of ethical opinion that made me leave the company. After a couple of hits and misses on the job front I was fortunate enough to obtain a wonderful job again in the accounting field. Turned out to be a significant chain of events in my life as within a year of joining the company I became friends with, dated and got engaged to a fellow employee. Just goes to show, in the words of Marylin, "Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
RD is much better off now and perhaps my husband and I spoil her a bit given what she went without for so long. Even so, we are still super conservative about certain things. We have plans for future trips with the family as a whole, but also for RD as she completes school. We keep such goals in mind whenever we joke about needlessly renovating the house or buying a new car. I only hope that RD will remember the more frugal times a little when she finally is out on her own. Perhaps that will help her keep her future goals, rather than immediate gratification, a financial priority and focus more on the experiences than expenses.
FBM
By May I had taken what I believed to be a temporary job as a secretary and was saving for RD and I to get a place of our own. Within the year, however, there were several other semi-adults living under the same roof and we had to move out. It was difficult with RD starting school, paying the bills and working long hours to make up for all the lost time. I did the best I could in the most economical ways possible.
After a year in an apartment the logical side of me was getting tired of paying someone elses mortgage. I crunched the numbers and determined that if I bought a house where I worked I could just scrape by. (Also, if anything happened to my car and I couldn't afford to get it fixed I could still walk to work.) Soon I was the non-sterotypical single mom; own car, own home and a full time job. There is no way I could have done any of it had I not learned how to scrimp and save from my mom. She raised a large family on my father's meager income (I am told less than $40 grand a year at it's height).
I kept a very strict budget and watched it constantly. In some ways my obsessive tendencies paid off in this area. Any utility that had an equal payment plan I got on it and watched to ensure we kept the running total in check. I took advantage of government incentive programs and made our tiny bungalow house as efficient as possible, knowing that anything paid out for improvements would be won back ten fold in savings. I had purchased a small chest freezer and took advantage of bulk sized food purchases. Like my mother, I simply separated items into meal sized quantities and froze them to avoid spoiling and waste. I stayed at work and ate leftovers for lunches. Attempted some inventive reciepes and anything RD didn't like became my meals for the week. Clothing was purchased mostly at a local Good Will, with a few new items purchased at Christmas only. I conserved energy by simple things like opening curtains on a sunny winter day allowing the house to warm up while at work. I actually was able to warm the house two degrees higher then the thermostat preventing the furnace from kicking in until after dinner time that night. Of course the reverse was used in the summer, which was a God send considering we did not have an airconditioner. I also had a programmable thermostat installed so that I could ensure the furnace was not running needlessly with no one in the house.
Our yard was not off limits to my conservative agenda. Luckily the previous owners of our home had planted perennial gardens around the yard so there was no need to purchase flowers annually. I installed a rain barrel which we used to water the gardens as needed in the summer. We also used this water to wash the car. In the winter it was the good old hand shovel to clear the drive way. I was blessed, however, to have some very kind naighbours who would snow blow the driveway if I started to loose the battle. Many days I thanked God when I arrived home to a plowed driveway. RD and I got in the habit of making cookies and home made chocolates every Christmas and taking little packages to our naighbours as tokens of gratitude for such favours.
Vacations, when possible, consisted of camping only. Provincial campground, no electrical sites were the cheapest. Once the basic tent and sleeping gear was purchased there were no further expenses than if we were at home. Any local festivals, free movie nights, double up coupons for local restaurants, and near by trails and beaches encompassed our activity schedule year round. I think these things made our free time together more enjoyable and memorable. I was never concerned about what it was costing us but more so if she was having fun. Even now RD still asks to go camping and likes to bring her friends along to experience it as well.
Clearly RD endured a lot and went without a lot, but she was still young enough to only fuss a little. The temporary job turned into a five year employment. I was asked to take on the accounting side of the business, something I think I have an aptitude for, even if my education does not support it. At the end of the five years it was a difference of ethical opinion that made me leave the company. After a couple of hits and misses on the job front I was fortunate enough to obtain a wonderful job again in the accounting field. Turned out to be a significant chain of events in my life as within a year of joining the company I became friends with, dated and got engaged to a fellow employee. Just goes to show, in the words of Marylin, "Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
RD is much better off now and perhaps my husband and I spoil her a bit given what she went without for so long. Even so, we are still super conservative about certain things. We have plans for future trips with the family as a whole, but also for RD as she completes school. We keep such goals in mind whenever we joke about needlessly renovating the house or buying a new car. I only hope that RD will remember the more frugal times a little when she finally is out on her own. Perhaps that will help her keep her future goals, rather than immediate gratification, a financial priority and focus more on the experiences than expenses.
FBM
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